Tentram

Hands. Nien offered hers as the answer after I mustered every morsel of courage in the world to confess after an exceptionally boring class. 

“Huh? That…your—wait! Really?”

“Yeah! That’s what people do when they’re dating, right?” she giggled with the brightest smile I’ve ever seen on a person. I tentatively gave my hand, but Nien grabbed it and dragged me along with her. “Come on, let’s have lunch!” 

“Whoa–hey! Wait, I haven’t packed my stuff yet!”

Nien cackled and did a U-turn, flunking me towards my desk. “Better be quick or I’m gonna eat you instead, sugarpie!”

“Got it. Give me a minu—sugarpie?” 

“Mhm. You asked me out so sweetly and you got a big round head, so…sugarpie!” she snickers, drawing a circle in the air with both hands. I chuckled in amazement, nodding. “I guess that’s me.”

“Hurry up!”

“Okay!”

Hands. I held Nien’s throughout and after she cried from nervousness and anxiety a few days before our wedding.

“Why’d you say yes?”

“Hm?” she mumbled, curled up on my chest. 

I gently wiped away some of her dried tears. “Why did you say yes to, well…my proposal? Just…curious.”

Her mouth tugged side-to-side in thought before blooming into a small, warm smile. “You feel…hmm…peaceful.”

“Peaceful? Me?” I laughed.

Nien nodded. “You…I feel…I know I don’t have to be afraid of anything beside you. Even when I do bad things. You don’t hesitate to set me straight, without any judgement.” Her hand rose to caress my cheek, then poked at it softly. “I can be anything, everything, or nothing. When you’re beside me, my heart is at peace.”

Hatiku damai, jiwaku tentram di sampingmu.

I could feel my heart thumping harder, Nien likely could as well by how she was grinning. My cheeks bloomed warm as I cupped hers, leaning down for a kiss. “I’m gonna marry you again, I swear.”

“We haven’t even married once, you silly!” she giggled into my lips.

“Don’t care. I love you that much.” 

Nien kissed me this time. “I love you too, sugarpie.”

Hands. Nien held mine as she nursed them after I opened a suspicious package that was meant for her, which turned out to be a small firebomb.

“Those assholes,” she huffed, her eyes blazing. “Using these old ass scare tactics—what do they think this is, 1960?”

“Ouch!”

“Sorry, sorry!” She blew on my burnt hand softly. 

“It’s okay, honey. It wasn’t your fau—”

“No, it’s not okay!” she snarled, her jaws trembling before she started sobbing. “Those…fucking Vulpes thugs would rather do this shit than actually admit their atrocities. Think they’re above everyone else.” She sniffled and wiped her nose with her elbow.

“Well, I’m one journalist they won’t silence. I wasn’t gonna stop, but now they hurt my sugarpie? I’m gonna skin them alive. I’m gonna be even louder.”

“Honey, isn’t that…dangerous?” 

“That’s exactly what they want,” she gritted. “Want me to be scared. Fuck that.” She gets back to treating my burns. “You believe in me, don’t you?”

I sighed. “I’m still a bit concerned…but, I do. All the way. Fuck them up, hon—ow!” I tried to raise a fist. Nien whined, slapping my back. “What are you doing? You’re still hurt!”

“Yeah, forgot,” I snickered. “You’re really hot when you’re mad, by the way.”

Nien couldn’t help but laugh, slapping me softer and pulling in to peck my lips. “You silly, beautiful man.”

“Takes one to know one.”

Hands. I was jumping in place to surprise Nien and hold hers as her train pulled onto the platform. As I looked around for her among the disembarking passengers, I heard a woman scream.

“HELP!”

I didn’t think twice before running to the car it came from. “What’s going on?” I asked a passenger crowding around something. 

“I think someone’s hurt, I’m not sure.”

I pushed past the crowd, and my heart dropped. Nien was on the floor, half conscious, her lower torso stained deep red. Her head rested on the lap of a woman quietly sobbing, her hands also stained as it pressed on Nien’s stomach. “What…what–what happened? I–I’m her husband, please tell me!”

“I don’t know!” she cried, shaking her head. “She was standing next to me, and there was…like this, this group that came in and bumped into us.” She sniffled and swallowed. “Then they got off here, and then…and then she just collapsed!”

“Oh my God…honey. Nien, honey! Can you hear me?” I held her cheek and turned her face towards me. “Did—did you call an ambulance yet?”

“I did…told the driver to–to stop the train, too.”

“Did you, um…here, let me.” I took over putting pressure on Nien’s wound. “You remember anyone from that…the ones who bumped into you?”

The woman bawled, shaking her head. “No! I’m sorry sir, I didn’t—it was…I’m sorry!”

I nodded and leaned closer to Nien. “Nien, honey. Hey, I’m here. Can you hear me?”

She stirred weakly, her voice airy and thin. “Sugarpie?”

“Yeah, me! Sugarpie!” Tears started falling. “Help is on the way, so stay awake for me, okay? I won’t go anywhere, I promise. Just stay with me, please.”

Nien’s lips curved into a frail smile, her bloody hand floating up to my cheek. “Sugarpie…”

“Mhm, what is it, hon?”

She didn’t answer, only opening her eyes a bit wider to look at me. Her smile grew just a bit, then started to wilt away as her breath slowed. 

“Honey? Hey! Don’t—stay with me! Don’t you dare! Stay with me, Hsu Nien Tzu! Don’t—” I choked. “Don’t leave me alone…please…”

 Her featherlight breaths slowed down more, then stopped completely. The light behind her glossy brown eyes dwindled, then faded into emptiness. 

“No, no! Nien! Honey! Wake up!” My hand moved from her wound to catch her hand sliding away from my cheek. I gripped it harder than ever, sobbing profusely. “Wake up, please…”

Hands. That was the last time mine held hers. And I would do anything to hold it just once more.