ronan

A word to the wise, from people with more gray hairs on their head: 

It is nice to sit somewhere quiet and not think about life for a while; you’re doing exactly that. 

Your ears are filled by the calm ambience of birds singing in the distance, resting on a bench facing towards a small lake, watching two ducks happily swim in front of you. The sight alone makes your mind spin - the pain in your heart already hangs heavy with the reminder hitting you, all rational thought out the window, and fighting back the tears from all the soft moments flooding back in your head. 

Suddenly, a lady takes a seat on the opposite end of the bench, letting out a relieved sigh and relaxing while taking in the view after a long walk. 

“Nice view to take in, isn’t it?” The lady asks, looking at you with a soft smile spread across her lips. 

You smile. “Yeah, it is.” 

“I’ve been coming here for not that long actually,” she says, “Though, it’s the one place where it brings me peace.” 

“You don’t say.” 

She nods, rubbing her thighs. “Never gets old, no matter how many times I stop by.” 

You twist your body towards her, intrigued. Her sweet laugh, full of delight; you tell her your name and she’s left in awe. 

“Nice to meet you. I’m Olivia,” she says to you, but you already knew just from the resembling appearance alone. 

(Olivia was Danielle’s older sister - considering the fact that she and Dani lived separately for such a long time already, there was no way she would recognize you.) 

“I see. So you come here every now and then when life gets tough?” You ask. “Or when things get too out of hand and you just want a break from everything?” 

“More or less,” Olivia laughs, holding out her hand and showing a wedding ring - clearly aged with a few scratches but the karat’s still radiating in the sunlight. “This place reminds me of her sometimes.” 

“You were married?” 

“Very,” Olivia answers. “Madly.” 

“Who was she?” 

“Her name was Hannah, and she was the one who kept me grounded, even when she’s no longer here.” 

In a second, you realize what she meant and your gaze softens. “I’m sorry to hear that, Olivia.” You tell her, clenching your fist and beating down the urge to not cry in front of her. Olivia stops you with a hand up. 

“No I get it, trust me. Besides, I’ve done the whole grieving act anyway,” she assures, sighing. “It’ll pass with whatever trial life’s given you right now.” 

You nod. It’s all you can do, still stung with what has happened. Olivia was giving you the best piece of advice to hear as she looks out to the same two ducks now parting ways with each other, moving in opposite directions.

Olivia looks at your eyes, half-lidded and face stoic, putting together the body language and pursing her lips, knowing exactly what was going through your mind. “I’ve got a question for you: have you ever been in love before?” 

“Yeah.” You hesitate at the question, but you inhale sharply and grab the point Olivia’s trying to make. “I have, actually. Yes.”

Olivia hums in approval, pleased to see you’ve decided to share a bit of your life with her. “It’s beautiful. It’s really beautiful. Nothing more can ever compare to that.” 

You both look out to the lake again, a small flock of birds flying over from above. 

“Can I tell you something?” Olivia asks, scooting herself closer on the bench. “There’s a lot of things that the world gives us without explanation. Whatever it may be, I feel powerless at times and wished that I could’ve done something differently to help. To set things right. Do you see where I’m coming from?” 

“You may be right,” you say. “Facing the world with all you can even when the odds are stacked against you. Convincing yourself that you might win; and in that case, you could.” 

“I just want to be at home with my loved ones, with the person I cherish most in my life. Do you feel the same way?” 

“When do I not feel the same way?” You laugh, lighthearted.

“Have you got a special someone in your life?” 

“I did. Her name was Minji.” 

“Minji,” Olivia repeats. “Funny, I could’ve sworn that name was familiar. I can’t put my finger on it.” 

“It’s been a while since I’ve seen her, however.” 

“When was the last time you saw her?” Olivia asks, and you freeze at the question. Fighting the turmoil in yourself as the thought of her comes crawling back to you. That sense of longing, feeling the last bits of fragments - fragments of her existence - slipping through your fingers and the cracks, little by little, each passing day. 

“Too long,” you answer, tone soft. “I don’t really know when she’ll come back. If she does come back.” 

Olivia looks down in lament, saddened by your troubles. 

“Well I hope you go back to her and work things out,” she says optimistically. “You’re at your strongest when you’ve got your loved ones close to you.” Soon you watch Olivia stand up from the bench, zipping up her track jacket and stretching out her stiff limbs. “It was nice to meet you, by the way. I hope to see you around here more often.” 

“I’ve never mentioned that your name is very familiar,” you’re saying to Olivia as she walks away. “But I’ll take this formal introduction as it is.” 

Olivia chuckles and you both exchange niceties. Then she was on her run again and you’re staring at the lonesome duck now near the shore - almost like it’s waiting for its mate to return to them. 

–

An abridged story of your life, summarized in a single sentence: you live through shitty days.  

The trek home from a long day of work was another dash of salt on the open gash. 

You were driving in the cold, harsh, and unrelenting weather that forced most of the usual routes back home with stopped traffic. Not only that, you were distracted for the past couple of days - the demons of work beating you down until your back was on the ropes: piling deadlines, fellow coworkers in the department calling off in protest against your boss to ease the expectations for the tough quarter. Needless to say, it was draining and you just wanted to get home right away. 

By perfect timing, your phone rings on the mount, with a caller ID with you and Minji appearing on the screen. In a flash, you answer it to hear your girlfriend’s calming voice, putting you at ease after the hellish day you just had. 

“Hi honey,” you greet her. “You just got home?” 

“I’ve been back for three hours now.” Minji answers on the screen, placing the phone on the cupholder and sitting down on the couch. “Just getting dinner ready, that’s all.” 

“Sounds good. I’m already on the highway and it’ll take me a while to get back with all this traffic.” You groaned. 

“That’s fine,” says Minji with little to no interest. She looks at you through the screen as silence fills up the call, both sides having no idea where to take the conversation next. You start to feel there was something wrong with the way Minji was talking to you. 

“Is everything okay there?” 

“Yeah.”