Hostile Wellness

Morning came too clean for what the previous night had done to us. The Top Floor was quiet. Not ambush quiet. Not emotional tribunal quiet. Actual quiet. Which somehow felt more suspicious.

I woke up before my alarm, stared at the ceiling for three full minutes, and tried to remember what part of yesterday had been real. TWICE had visited the Top Floor. ITZY had signed the NDAs. Jihyo had revealed the TWICE arrangement with John. Mina and I had almost been accused of planning a polite corporate takeover. Ryujin had demonstrated things with couch cushions. Yuna had narrated her first time like a coming-of-age film with legal protection. Nayeon had asked John to punish her in front of everyone. I had smoked. Yeji had kissed me in front of the room. Then told me that was the last kiss I would get if I didn’t stop smoking.

Then I had apparently survived dinner, tattoo accusations, almost-wife allegations, and an impending temporary tattoo appointment that now involved Yeji choosing placement and font.

I closed my eyes “Outstanding.”

Beside me, Yeji shifted. Not fully awake yet. But awake enough “You’re thinking too loudly.” I turned my head. She was lying on her side, hair loose against the pillow, eyes still half-closed but already judging me with terrifying accuracy “I am silently suffering.”

“You do that loudly.”
“That feels unfair.”
“You earned unfair.”

I smiled despite myself. She opened one eye “Don’t look cute. I’m still mad.”

“That implies I look cute.”

“Benjie.” I immediately stopped smiling. Mostly. Yeji sighed and sat up, pulling the blanket around herself. The morning light softened her face, but not enough to hide the fact that she was already preparing herself for the day.

Leader mode. Girlfriend mode. Wife voice in reserve. Terrifying combination “We need a gameplan,” she said. I pushed myself up against the headboard “For JYP?”

“For everything.”

That was worse because it was correct. She counted on her fingers “JYP. The retreat cover. Mina and the money. John and Jihyo’s role. The tattoo appointment. Yuna’s vacation plan. Ryujin not committing crimes. Chaeryeong and Lia shopping. And you not buying another establishment because someone annoys you.” I looked at her “That last one feels targeted.”

“It is.”
“Good to know.”

Yeji reached for her phone and checked the time “We leave in two hours.”

“For JYP.”

“For JYP first,” she said. Then her eyes narrowed slightly. “Then Frankie.” I had made the mistake of telling her the tattoo artist’s name last night. Now she said it like someone had entered a witness protection list “It’s temporary,” I reminded her.

“And I choose placement.”
“You choose placement.”
“And font.”
“And no portrait.”

“No portrait.”
“And no wedding date.”
“For now.”

She turned her whole head toward me. I looked away “Sorry.”

“No, you’re not.”

“No, I’m not.” She threw a pillow at me. I caught it. That was when the bedroom door opened without permission. Ryujin leaned in “Are you decent?” Yeji clutched the blanket higher “Ryujin!” Ryujin looked at her. Then at me. Then at the pillow in my hands.

“Emotionally, no. Physically, probably.”
“Get out,” Yeji said.
“I’m here for the morning briefing.”
“There is no morning briefing in our bedroom.”
“Our?”

The silence changed. Ryujin’s smile widened. Yeji closed her eyes “Leave.” Ryujin pointed into the room “She said our.”

“I heard it,” Yuna called from the hallway. Lia’s voice followed, tired and resigned “Everyone heard it.” Chaeryeong added softly, “I was trying not to.” I looked at Yeji. Yeji looked at me. Her face turned pink before she pulled the blanket over her head. Ryujin grinned.

“Great. Breakfast in ten. Your wife has assignments.”
“I am not his wife!” Yeji shouted from under the blanket.
“Yet!” Yuna shouted back.

Ryujin closed the door before Yeji could throw the second pillow. I sat very still. Under the blanket, Yeji said, “Do not laugh.”

“I would never.”
“You’re smiling.”
“I am emotionally licensed to be happy.”

The blanket lowered just enough for one eye to glare at me.

“I hate that sentence.”
“You loved it last night.”
“I tolerated it under duress.”
“Marriage duress?”

The pillow hit me directly in the face.

Breakfast was less a meal and more a tactical deployment. Yuna had taken over one side of the kitchen island with a notebook, a tablet, two pens, and the expression of a woman who had been given responsibility and planned to make it everyone else’s problem. Chaeryeong was checking the pantry. Lia was making a list on her phone. Ryujin was eating cereal directly from the box again, which meant civilization had already failed. Yeji sat beside me, still radiating mild anger, while pretending she was not leaning close enough for her knee to brush mine.

I accepted this as progress. Yuna tapped her pen against the notebook “Okay. Vacation pitch.”

“No,” Lia said immediately.
Yuna frowned “You haven’t heard it.”
“You started with a title voice.”
“It needs a title.”
“It needs JYP approval first.”
Yuna waved a hand “Details.”
“They are not details,” Chaeryeong said from inside the pantry.
Yuna ignored that “I am preparing the vacation activities pitch for everyone. If we’re getting a week—”
“If,” I said.
Yuna looked at me “When.”
“That is not better.”
“It is more confident.”
“It is more dangerous.”

Ryujin lowered the cereal box “What if JYP says no?” Yuna looked personally offended “Then Ben and Mina accidentally become a problem again.” Yeji turned toward her “Yuna.”

“What? I said accidentally.”
Lia looked at me over her cup “Your influence is terrible.”
“I have been saying that.”

Chaeryeong came out of the pantry with a haunted expression “Momo sunbaenim ate everything.”
Ryujin nodded solemnly “Biblical.”
Chaeryeong looked genuinely distressed “I stocked for three days.”
“She is TWICE’s final boss,” Yuna said.
“Momo is not a final boss,” Lia said.
“She ate like one,” Ryujin replied.
Chaeryeong looked at me “I need to restock.”

“Use my card.” Yeji turned toward me immediately. I lifted both hands “Not buying the grocery store. Just groceries.” She watched me for a second. Then nodded “For now.” I sent a quick message to my accountant. Before I could put the phone down, it buzzed. I read the reply and sighed. Lia noticed “What?” “My accountant says he is happy to oblige as long as the shopping request is from Chaeryeong.”

Yuna slowly looked up from her notebook “Excuse me?” I read the message aloud “‘If it is Ms. Chaeryeong, absolutely. Please tell her she may purchase whatever pantry supplies she needs. If it is Ms. Yuna, I require itemized pre-approval after the spa incident.’”

The kitchen erupted. Yuna’s mouth dropped open “That was one time.” Lia looked at her “It was not one time.”

“It was one spa arc.” Ryujin pointed at her “You traumatized the man.”
“I improved his exposure to luxury wellness.”
“You submitted a reimbursement request that had aromatherapy candles categorized as emotional infrastructure.”
Yuna lifted her chin “They were.”

Chaeryeong looked between us “Should I itemize?”

“No,” I said. “Buy everything you need.” My phone buzzed again. I glanced down “He added a smiley face for you.” Chaeryeong blinked “For me?”

“Yes.”

Yuna gasped “He never sends me smiley faces.” Lia sipped her drink “That is because you send him invoices that make him question morality.” Yuna pointed at her “You’re also going shopping.” Lia nodded “For vacation needs.” I forwarded her accountant access too. A second later, my phone buzzed again. I read it “‘Approved for Ms. Lia. Sensible purchases expected.’” Yuna slapped the table “This is discrimination.”

“It is pattern recognition,” I said. Ryujin leaned over “What does he say about me?” I stared at her “You are not shopping.” She looked offended “Why?”

“Because your assignment is to try not to do any damage that can’t be undone.” Ryujin froze. Then slowly smiled “That leaves a lot of room.”

“No, it does not.”
“It does if you’re creative.”
“Ryujin.”