Outta My Mind

Along came Friday, which went about as dull as any other day of the week. Chaehyun and I woke up from our dorms, got on the metro to the university, sat in on the lectures, and followed through with the day. I tried my best not to overthink last week, though she threw hints about it here and there and made her seem oddly excited about today. But our conversations didn’t become lewd so fast, while not forgetful of the agreement. She reminded me as she sat beside me during the second period. I just kept telling myself it was just another dinner.

“Let’s try and make it at this one bulgogi place at like, six?” she suggested, “So we can get on the rooftop."

"Sounds expensive,” I replied, nodding, “but sounds like a plan."

She made it clear that we aren’t calling it a date, though I’ve had to accompany her to the mall before, got lost at the noraebang, and went home far later than planned. I could only snicker to myself while passing by the hallway on the way to my final class and left just before 4 pm, dropping my bag beside my bed and then crashing for a quick nap, getting on my feet a while later, shutting the alarm and opening a message from Chaehyun.

[ Wait, lights on later, right? ]

[ Yeah? ]

I typed, then checked my wallet for a condom this time.

Chaehyun just left me on seen. I didn’t think of it too much, except that she probably got in the shower. So I did. A message ping interrupted me as I washed my hair, and the vibe of the whole affair blurred between an actual dinner date and a paid-for dinner to sweeten up the deal of sex. Though in the spirit of a joke, carrot or stick had gone for too long, with just a little too much carrot. Already starting to daydream about fucking her like an AV star as I shaved what little facial hair I had. But I was no actor. Seeing that the ping earlier was her replying to me.

[ Go easy on me, okay? ]

I didn’t choose to reply, but I knew I had to. I needed to, yet I couldn’t make something up. I felt just as tense as Chaehyun. Making myself more of a nervous wreck might make me chicken out first, trying to snuff the awkwardness I thought with an otherwise familiar person. In my attempts to do so, I redid the bedsheets out of sheer haste, not wanting to leave a wrong impression when we got back.

She looked pale when talking like we’d only met if it was any comfort to me. I just liked to believe she wasn’t when I’d meet her.

Walking outside in summer, I didn’t need a light jacket or anything to wrap myself with; I found a thick shirt enough for the weather. Strolling down the few blocks and having had that gut feeling since I woke up, I decided to make a short detour around a park bench, sitting down and sighing, trying to take it all in still. The only thing that ran through my mind during those five minutes was a single phrase; we already came close last week, we agreed to today, yet now that we’re here, now what?

I had no time to answer that as Chaehyun messaged me. She was just about there. So I got back on my feet, finding her just about to get in line, which was still short at the hour. Exchanging comments with one another, the topic quickly departed from ourselves to the menu as soon as a server handed one to us. Upon seeing it, I became more worried about calling home for bankruptcy.

She just flashed two coupons that signaled relief for me—cutting the bill in half for us. Being told to go to the roof, It was immediate to me that this place was more upper-class, where students like us, as poor as we were, couldn’t just dine alone.

"This looks so expensive,” I whispered to her as we climbed the stairs.

“It is,” Chaehyun smiled proudly, “it’s just a favor."

I just shrugged my shoulders as I opened the door to the top level. As we got a table beside the balcony railing, we were greeted with a picturesque sight. As if she couldn’t be any more spontaneous.

Waiting for the food, it was just the usual back and forth between two young adults who were halfway there and, except for a bit of skill and luck, completely average. Nobody that anybody hasn’t seen before. But the pacification brought about by some meat is a welcome reprise. Perhaps a single serving of light alcohol also helped ease everything down. It was better to have some sobriety for tonight.

But, it took our attention away from at least a few things, which at the moment seemed petty, despite the weight they had on us.

It only took a few passing couples to have us remember what she had me for tonight. And once we had shut down the grill between us and had the empty bowls and plates taken away, she asked.

"So, after this,” she said, “we’re going to your place, right?”

“You still wanna do it?” I asked. Though now, it might’ve sounded grating to her. Whether she was still committed or not, I wasn’t going to stop her.

Chaehyun sighed, crossed her arms on the table, and slightly leaned forward. She had a blank expression that rendered her opaque. Staring me down to show he wasn’t joking, not as much as I, so I took a sip before I also put my arms on the table.

“Did you think I’d ask any other guy?” she paused, “out on a date?"

"Maybe?” I shrugged. I was slightly confused about whether it was about dinner or sex.

She giggled.

“No,” she said, “I never thought about it.”

Sighing to herself, Chaehyun looked out but abruptly continued before I slipped my tongue.

“I mean, it only seemed like a matter of time, right?"

Agreeing to her, this would be quite the ride, whether it was a tandem or a backseater. It might even be a rollercoaster. It was a hard pill to swallow, as predictable as it should’ve been. Then again, she didn’t give me room to think. I was probably just displaying my best poker face and went along with whatever story she threw out, nodding and replying as we bided our time.

And once I had slipped the card and got it back. It was time for us to go, and we left the restaurant shortly after. Chaehyun linked her arms with me as we slowly traced my steps back to my place, with a convenience store stop for snacks on the way, in the form of three bags of chips and a bit of light alcohol to ease us through the night. Like us, the night was also young, but we were going opposite from downtown and into a closed-door affair.

Getting back to my dorm, we were already feeling scandalous, her finding it harder to keep her eyes on me when we shared a glance. Even the order from me to make herself comfortable in the same bed she had crashed in countless times before needed some effort to spit out of me. It did not help that she crossed her legs as she sat across from me while I opened the fridge, biting my lip away from her view as I grabbed the ice.

But while I have done this whole drill, something just felt off. I tried to brush it off as I threw a few ice cubes into our glasses and poured our drinks.

Facing her with glasses in hand, Chaehyun called me as she got hers. As she sat next to me, noticing the cursory glances on my drink and phone, she asked pretty awkwardly.

"Something wrong?"

I shook my head while taking quite a large gulp from my glass. Seeing just right through me, chuckling as she took a sip herself, moving to and practically grazing beside me, and with how awkward the situation was. Taking the initiative, she tried to break the ice.

"It’s been a while for you, huh?” Chaehyun softly said as she leaned into me.

Feeling a cold palm on my thigh as she talked to me. She loosened herself up as she took a few big swigs, playing my cards on me as she slowly rubbed it. After gulping away, she put her glass down and smacked her lips as she crept closer.

“Since it’s my first time, we can do it a few times more, right?"

"As long as you want to,” I replied.

A few seconds of hesitation. Glancing at my lips, then back up at me, I perched forward to meet hers. It was no more than a light kiss, but I wondered why it left Chaehyun speechless. But when her hand left my thigh and came up my neck to reciprocate my kiss, I knew she was eager. And after that, she had her arms on my shoulder and my hands running up her thigh.

“So, let’s go?” Chaehyun said with a sneer.

“You just had to ask.”

Giving her permission, we continued to make out. Throwing her leg on the couch, and with that opening, my hand slipped in between her legs and her skirt. I felt her breath shake when her lips broke as I lightly rubbed on her thighs, slowly trying to get her on me. Her hands were all over me. Mine was under all that, hiking up her shirt and squeezing her tits.

We were in that state for a while until she started playing with her tongue, and her pale, milky skin began to feel softer.

“I think it’s better if you get on top of me,” I sneaked in.

Without a word, and not longer than a few seconds, I was between Chaehyun’s legs. She put her hips down and beckoned me to sit up, yet trying to take me down didn’t work. I was pushing back with my lips to signal disagreement. Asking her if I could take her shirt off, letting me do so as I tugged and pulled it up from its tuck and over her shoulder, taking it off her with a flurry of hair that she slid back.

While she did that, I laid my lips on her neck, lightly sucking on her neck to test her reaction. So when she pushed herself forward, I just kept on it. Listening to her hum as we embraced, my kisses moved down from her neck to her collarbone, giving the top of her tits a few passes as I tried to figure her bra out. Getting it off after trying to unhook it a few times was a bit of comedy at my expense.

Putting her hand on my chest, she had me lie down and watch her ease her shoulders out of her bra straps. She was only holding it up with her forearm, highlighting her cleavage further as it dangled. At the same time, she was showing some skill as she continued to make out and lifted my shirt with the other hand.

“Don’t you want to get on there?” Chaehyun asked as I threw it off me, pointing at the bed.