Eyes Open

The amount of panic that filled her that night couldn’t measure the amount of guilt she felt. Sana knew that Tzuyu was going through something. Maybe the things she said to her made her remember things. She was well aware that Se-Ri cheated on her, based on what Tzuyu has told her, she probably said a lot of degrading things as well which probably depleted her spirit.

God, she had never hated someone like this ever and she didn’t even know Se-Ri personally. She just couldn’t imagine anyone having the guts to do something to someone who was so sweet and loving. Tzuyu deserved better.

Sana wanted to believe that she was better. She wanted to be the one for Tzuyu.

“Everything okay?” Yuto asked her carefully from across the table. “You kept going in and out, did something bad happen?”

Sana slumped back in her seat and tried her best not to cry with the amount of calls she had made to Tzuyu. When she declined it twice, it made her heart twist, and it made her want to burst out into tears. “I’m sorry,” she said with a shaky breath. “My—" She cleared her throat. “My friend is going through some stuff, and I just wanted to make sure she’s okay.”

He nodded and then handed her a napkin, as if he knew she was on the verge of crying. “I understand. I hope she’s doing okay.”

The thoughts were going through her mind like crazy, she reread everything she sent to Tzuyu and tried to understand the replies she got from Tzuyu. Was it because she didn’t call her or let her know that she arrived in Tokyo? But they both agreed to have their call later that night when they were both home so it couldn’t be because she was out that night.

Then she looked up at Yuto who was reading the menu, the fact that they were having dinner alone and that no one else was going to catch up. That was when it hit her.

Tzuyu got jealous.

She slapped her hand on her forehead and sighed. But it wasn't like it was a bad thing. Sana told her the truth and she knew that Tzuyu deserved honesty.

“Okay—" Yuto placed the menu on the table and leaned his body forward. “You should probably tell me what’s up or I’ll be talking to a sighing mess throughout the whole night.”

“Maybe after we order? So we won’t get kicked out for taking this table the whole night.” She still tried to sound cheerful even though she felt so horrible inside.

Yuto reluctantly agreed and they were both able to order their meals. Once the waiter left, Yuto leaned forward again. “Okay, loser. Talk to me.”

Sana sighed, playing with the table napkin, and then putting it over her lap. “This friend is a friend of Nayeon and Dahyun. You remember them right?”

“Of course.”

“I met her when I went home to Osaka and Mina was sick, so I went to visit her. I saw the friend, her name is Tzuyu, by the way.” She sat up properly on her seat and then sighed. “I remembered her because she was my partner in Nayeon’s wedding and I had a huge crush on her the moment I saw her. But I didn’t pursue anything because at that time, she was in a long term relationship with someone.”

“When I met her again last November, I was thrilled to find out that she was single again. But her break up was so fresh and I know I shouldn’t do anything about it because even then, I knew I still liked her.” She took a sip from her wine glass. “But I couldn’t help myself. We hung out a lot, and eventually it morphed into constant phone calls, then it turned into hugging and touching each other and now—" She took a deep breath. “I’m in love with her.”

Yuto’s eyes were wide and took a deep breath in. “Wow.” Then he reached over to grab her hand. “You okay? Do you know how she feels about it?”

“I honestly don't know.” Then she scoffed. “But she told me that we both want the same thing and if I’m able to wait for her when she’s ready.”

“Will you though?”

“Of course!” She tried not to shout it out, as if she wanted Tzuyu to hear her even if she was a million miles away from her. “You can call me stupid or whatever, but I am willing to wait for this woman because she is the most amazing person I’ve ever met and she deserves love and I am so ready to give that to her.”

Yuto smiled at that and shrugged. “Guess you have your answer then.” Then he crossed his arms. “But since you mentioned that she was still going through a break up and I’m assuming that’s still pretty recent, you should still give her time to heal. Maybe it’s a lot going on in her head and it would be kinda bad if you dumped all your feelings on her.”

She glared at him. “Tell me something I don’t know, please.”

He shrugged again. “What? I’m just saying.”

“I know, I know.” She ran her hand through her hair. “Mina and Momo said the exact same thing. I’m trying my best, okay?”

“I’m sure you are, Sana,” he said gently. “You’re a great person and I know you’re going to shower with nothing but love and understanding. Just leave some for yourself.”

She heard that multiple times already. But she couldn’t help but agree. As much as she loved Tzuyu and she wanted to be there whenever she was going through these hard times, she had to remember that she was still just human. Someone who was as vulnerable as Tzuyu and she knew that if Tzuyu ultimately decided to not end up with her, she would be left broken, and she wouldn’t even know what to do.

How was it even possible to be heartbroken from someone that had never been hers to begin with? She didn’t want to wait to know how it was. But she knew she had to do the right thing, even if it hurt her or that it shook her entire being. But she had to.

Her and Yuto decided to end the evening early since he had work early in the morning the next day and Sana was dying to lie down already.

But coming home to an empty apartment without Tzuyu’s voice over her phone was starting to make her feel even lonelier than before. Tzuyu had seen her messages, she left over ten missed calls and Sana didn’t want to push it even further. Tzuyu definitely needed time to think and gather her thoughts if ever she was willing to talk to Sana.

Maybe she should send one last message to Tzuyu before she settles in tonight.

9:21 PM

Sana: Tzuyu?

Sana: I don’t know what I did, but I just want to say sorry if I said something that made you upset. I hope you know that I would never do anything to hurt you. I care about you too much to do that. But I did it blindly, so I’m really sorry.

Sana: I’ll still be here waiting for your call. Please take care.

Reading her messages over and over again made her heart swell. She wanted to cry. But she couldn’t force Tzuyu to just talk to her so quickly after what happened.

It was important for her to tell Tzuyu that she really didn’t want to hurt her, she would never do that on purpose.

She placed her phone on the bed, maybe a nice warm bath would help her calm her nerves. She removed all her clothes and then took the time to fill her tub with water. Once it was filled and in the right temperature, she dipped herself in it and sank into the warmness of the water.

Maybe Sana needed to really take the time to reflect on everything that hadhappened so far. There was an endless list of why she thought Tzuyu was perfect. Despite her being so broken right now, she was still perfect for her and all that she could think about was what she could do to make her realize that she was worth every good word there was in the dictionary.

The reality of it, Tzuyu was just someone who was just trying to get by day after day. Desperately wanting to be a better version of herself but she would never skip a beat when it came to showing love and care. It made Sana’s heart melt whenever they would go on video calls, and she would see how happy Kaya and Butter were now that they had a new temporary home and that Tzuyu was equally as happy as them.

Sana loved her for that. She loved everything about Tzuyu. But it hurt her every time she realized that it was just her who was in love. Maybe this was what her friends were talking about when they told her to leave a little love for herself.

But she didn’t want to stop talking to Tzuyu. She knew she was incapable of doing that.

After wading in the water for too long, she forced herself to get up and washed herself off properly. She dried herself with the towel and wrapped her body tightly with it. But when she stepped out to her room, she saw her phone light up and she immediately ran to grab it.

Tzuyu was calling. She immediately answered it.

“Hi—" Tzuyu’s eyes went wide and then covered her eyes. “Sorry! I didn’t know you were taking a bath.”

“Oh!” Sana blushed hard when she realized that her exposed shoulders were seen through the camera, and she dropped her phone. “Give me a minute! Don’t end the call!”

She rushed to her closet and found the first shirt she could find and then hurriedly covered herself up and found panties to wear. She could wear her shorts later. She rushed back to her phone and grabbed it, looking back at the camera. She felt her heart melt when she saw Tzuyu in the frame and she couldn’t help but smile. “Hi.”

“Hi,” Tzuyu greeted softly and then her smile faded. “Sana, I wanted to apologize about what happened tonight.”

“Tzu, you don’t have to—"

“No, Sana,” she said gently, placing her phone done and Sana could see her sit on the side of her bed. Kaya and Butter were at the back, sleeping behind her. “I want to explain because when I read your messages earlier, I realized how stupid I was.”