Crazy

A million thoughts raced through my mind at once, twirling and weaving into each other to form a chaotic web of mental traffic jams. I knew that it was going to be a crazy weekend, but I never expected anything like this. No one could have imagined anything like this.

I honestly considered outright saying no, simply because it just didn’t feel right to stay the night with a girl who wasn’t sober. But it was Jessica. That made it even worse—or better—I didn’t even know anymore.

“You want me to stay...here tonight?” I asked, just to make sure I didn’t misunderstand her.

“...Is that okay?”

“I don’t know...is it?” I asked.

She traced her thumb across the glass. “It’s just...I…don’t want to be alone...”

Is she even thinking straight? I mean, I can barely think straight, so I wouldn’t be surprised if she wasn’t. But if she’s scared of sleeping by herself, I guess I could just stay on this giant couch here...

“It’s okay if you don’t want to,” she added, nervously.

“You just don’t want the date to end,” I said, trying to lighten the mood a little.

Her lips curled. “It’s a date now?”

“You called it one first.”

“I did? When?”

“Earlier,” I said, suddenly doubting myself.

She did say it, didn’t she?

“Well, wasn’t it a date?” She pouted playfully. “I’ve never went on a date with a fan and had them not even acknowledge it as one.”

“No—what? I didn’t say it wasn’t a date. If anything, I did say it was a date until you—”

“I’m just teasing you.” She smiled, taking another sip of water. “So you’ll stay then?”

“Since you’re afraid of the dark, I guess I’ll be a gentleman and stay.”

Her eyes brightened. “Great. Then can you be a gentleman and turn the heat up too? It’s really cold in here,” she said, playfully.

I walked over to the thermostat, changed the temperature up from 65 to 74, and then sat down right next to her. Her body looked so tiny compared to the giant California king bed beneath us, I was scared it would swallow her whole.

She seemed like she was still shivering, so I fixed my jacket that was wrapped around her, pulling it tighter on her body, feeling the goosebumps on her arm as my skin accidentally brushed against it.

“Are you that cold?”

She nodded.

“Would it help if I sat a little closer to you?” I asked, carefully waiting for her reaction.

She looked at me, a bit surprised, and I slowly slid my way closer to her until we were right next to each other.

“You just wanted to come closer,” she said, smiling to herself.

“How’d you know?”

The warm blasts of air eventually made the room much more comfortable, which also made us loosen up a bit. We continued chatting while she sipped on her water. She told me more about her life as an idol, how stressful and tiring it was, and how she didn’t have any free time to do anything for herself. New York was their last date for the SMTown World Tour, and she was so relieved it was finally going to be over. It was strange to hear her talk about it that way, but maybe being an idol wasn’t as great as it seemed from a fan’s perspective.

“You should really go to bed now,” I said, as she finished her second glass. “It’s almost 3am.”

She nodded and walked towards the bathroom. “Do you think there’s toothbrushes in there? I never know what to expect with American hotels.”

“I’m not sure, they didn’t have water, so maybe not,” I said, my eyes finding it impossible to resist following the silhouette of her tiny frame. The large room made her appear even tinier than she already was.

After a few seconds, she poked her head out through the door with an excited smile on her face. “There’s two of them! We got lucky.”

I sat alone on the bed, looking around the giant suite that felt so barren and mysterious. Maybe it was because I was sobering up a little, but everything started to hit me all at once. I started to realize where I was and everything that had happened.

How is any of this possible? How is this happening? I went on a date with Jessica and now I’m in a hotel room with her? She even wants me to stay the night? I mean, I didn’t manipulate her in any way, right? I even tried to leave, didn’t I? Is this a sick prank? Am I on a Korean reality show and people are going to run in with cameras?

She came back out after a few minutes, still in her black dress since there wasn’t anything to change into besides the hotel bathrobes.

I went into the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my face. I just couldn’t keep my thoughts straight. Everything was just too crazy, like I was about to wake up from the dream any minute, but the cold water helped me realize that it was real. It was all real.

If this somehow turns out to be a dream, I hope I don’t wake up yet. Let me stay here just a little longer. Actually, let me stay here forever with her.

After a long time of staring at myself in the mirror and constantly pinching my cheeks to see if I was dreaming, I finally dried my face, and went back outside. She was drinking another glass of water, cutely cupping onto it with both hands.

“Can you get the lights while you’re there?” she asked, pointing behind me.

“So this is why you wanted me to stay,” I said, turning them off. “To be your personal assistant.”

The room went dark, illuminated only by the two small lamps on the nightstand. I didn’t want to think about it, but the dim lighting suddenly made her look so…sexy. Not that she wasn't before, but I just couldn’t help but stare as she sat on the bed in that beautiful black dress that barely covered her sharp, petite shoulders and smooth, slender legs.

“That’s right,” she said, smiling. “You’re free to go now, I don’t need anything else.”

I snapped out of my daze. “Alright then.”

“Huh? You’re really going? I was only kidding.”

“I’m going over there.” I pointed at the sofa in the corner of the room, the farthest one I could find.

“So far away,” she said, and for some reason, I started to feel slightly embarrassed—and even a little nervous.

She’s being so flirty. Is she going to ask me to hug her to sleep next? I might pass out if she does. Or maybe even pass away.

I shook my head, trying to stop my imagination from going rampant. Taking off my shoes, I lay on the ridiculously soft sofa that was more comfortable than my mattress back at home.

“You should really get some rest now,” I said from across the room. “Good night.”

She placed her glass of water onto the night stand. “Never had anyone want to end a date in such a hurry either,” she muttered to herself.