More Than Enough

“Let’s do it again,” says Seeun as you lie on the practice room floor, exhausted out of your mind. You've lost track of time, as you’ve been practicing for hours on end. You're pretty certain the sun was out when you started, but now it’s gone, and the city lights have come alive with the half-moon looking down at the earth it orbits.

As you stay on the floor, you remember that technically, you were never supposed to be here. Your friend had unfortunately injured himself while playing basketball, tearing his Achilles. He was meant to be one of the backup dancers for STAYC’s festival performance in a few weeks’ time. Now, because of him, you are in that position.

He called you up one morning, saying, “Hey, I tore my Achilles and put you as a recommendation to take my place.” You said, “Sure, sure” in your groggy state, and now here you are, practicing for the festival in two weeks, learning everything from scratch.

This is nothing foreign to you. You danced for many years growing up, that was your thing. From hip-hop to breakdancing with your friends in school, doing competitions for the fun of it and winning a few prizes along the way. It was one of the most fun moments of your life.

Unfortunately, life took its turns and twists. You still danced, but never with your friends or in competitions. You still had the passion but knew life had priorities that you couldn’t ignore. It at least kept you active and was an escape from the constant grind that life put you through.

Luckily, you kept in touch with your dance crew and were now preparing to perform with a renowned girl group at a large festival.

“Hey, you alright?” Seeun says, snapping you back into reality.

“Ugh, sorry. I just got distracted. We can continue.”

“It’s okay. Let’s take five. I think we need a break.”

You nod in agreement. She sits down, legs crossed, right across from you. You notice her muscular, thick thighs as her shorts rise slightly. They are visually appealing, slightly pale but her quad muscles are striking as they are slightly flexing. It shows the amount of dancing she has done over the years.

As your eyes take in the sight, a question pops into your head.

Why is she the one helping me practice?

You remember hearing that the main choreographer is feeling unwell, so she’s recovering at home. You know the other dancers are elsewhere, as they all have jobs and responsibilities to take care of. But why Seeun, of all people?

“Hey, Seeun,” you say to her.

She looks up from her phone. “What is it?”

“I was wondering… why are you the one helping me learn the choreography?”

Seeun chuckles nervously, her body shifting slightly on the floor.

“Well… because the choreographer asked me to.”

“Really? No one else could have helped? Aren’t you super busy?” you ask.

“Um, right now, no…. not really,” she says. “The other members have schedules, so they asked me to help.”

She looks down at the floor as the words leave her mouth. You notice she’s avoiding eye contact.

“Really? That’s sweet and kind. You didn’t have to,” you say.

She avoids your gaze, looking back at the floor again.

“Actually…” she says very quietly, hesitating.

“It’s more of a punishment.”

She finally looks at you and makes eye contact for the first time in minutes.

“What? What do you mean… punishment?” you ask, perplexed.

She looks back at the floor and exhales slowly.

“I’m overweight. I’m not at the weight the company wants me to be at… so this is my punishment.”

You can’t believe what she’s saying. You know how cutthroat the idol industry is, but you’re hearing it for the first time directly from an idol herself.

Seeun looks up at you and can see your perplexed expression.

“We all have to maintain a certain weight, especially during comebacks or performances, since we’re in the public eye. It’s been like that since trainee days.”

Your disbelief slowly turns into frustration and anger.

“Really? You’re telling the truth? You’re not messing with me?”

Seeun looks you in the eyes. “Yeah… this is the truth.”

She looks back down at the floor.

“That’s bullshit,” you yell out. “You’re so beautiful already. You have a great figure,you look so athletic, and it shows with your leg muscles. They look amazing.”

Seeun gets startled by your response flinching slightly,  “Yeah… but the company wants me to be thin, not muscular. Otherwise, it makes me look fat, especially compared to the other members, who are already like that. So I stick out in group photos.” She pauses and looks at you. 

“So I have to lose weight.”

You’ve finally had enough. You stand up, angry at what she has said.

“Fuck them!” you yell.

Seeun is visibly startled and taken aback by your outburst.

“They don’t mean anything. They’re a bunch of cowards, judging your body. Screw their standards, it's all made up bullshit.”

You take a breath.

“They don’t know the hard work you put into this. The countless hours of dedication, the sleepless nights, the stress from this shitty environment…”

Your hands fly in the air as your rant continues.

“They don’t know how kind, sweet, funny and caring you are. How much pressure you put on yourself to be perfect every single damn time, always"

“You are part of a popular girl group, you’ve already made it” 

You stop, looking at Seeun. She looks stunned at the words coming out of your mouth.

You breathe in and exhale slowly, trying to regain your composure.