Love is pointless

Autumn arrives the way grief often does. Quietly. Gradually. So softly at first that you almost convince yourself nothing has changed.

The air cools in the mornings. A thin bite of cold when you step outside before school. Leaves gather along the sidewalks in dry, whispering piles that scatter when cars pass.

Everything looks the same.

The same streets.
The same houses.
The same bus stops.

But something in the world feels hollowed out.

Like someone removed a piece from the center of it and everything else is still pretending it fits.

School starts again.

The first morning your alarm rings, your hand reaches for your phone before you’re even fully awake.

It’s automatic.

You don’t even think about it.

Because for months there was always something waiting.

Good luck today.

Or a stupid meme.

Or a blurry picture of her hair sticking up in every direction with the caption: I woke up ugly today please still love me.

Sometimes she would send a voice message instead, still half asleep, words soft and slurred.

“Good morning… go be smart today, okay?”

You used to replay those more times than you would ever admit.

Now your screen is blank.

Your thumb pauses there anyway.

You stare at it for a long moment, like something might appear if you are patient enough.

Like maybe there was a delay.

Like maybe the message is just late.

But there is nothing.

There cannot be.

Because before you left, the two of you made a promise.

A promise that felt mature when you said it out loud.

Responsible.

Healthy.

You both agreed that staying in touch would make it harder.

That lingering messages and late night calls would keep reopening something that had already broken.

So you promised each other something much crueler.

No contact.

No checking in.

No “just to see how you are.”

You lock the phone.

You set it down.

You stare at the ceiling for another minute before getting out of bed.

The hallway at school is loud in a way that feels almost violent.

Lockers slam. Shoes scrape across the floor. Someone laughs too loudly at something you cannot hear.

You move through it all like someone slightly out of sync with the world.

People say your name sometimes.

You answer.

You smile when you are supposed to.

But half the time you do not really remember what anyone said to you afterward.

Your brain keeps drifting somewhere else.

After school you start walking home instead of taking the bus.

You tell yourself it is because the weather is nice.

Because you need the exercise.

Because it clears your head.

But the truth is simpler.