LOLLIPOP

When Yeji woke up, it felt like her head was stuffed with cotton wool. She simply lay on her bed, her gaze fixed on the ceiling for a good amount of minutes. Her eyes were open, but several seconds behind the rest of her brain. All the sheets were too hot against her skin, and every little movement made her body feel much heavier than usual.

Her stomach growled, telling her to find some food. That gave her the sense that maybe she wasn't dreaming.

She slowly blinked, her lashes clinging together. The light in the room was soft and low, and like morning light, it made all things look gentler than they were. She was able to recognize the sheets beneath her, the mattress, the scent of laundry detergent, and her sense of familiarity with it, and one that was just him.

After a second, she realized that Hyungsik's bed was theirs. She could not recall getting into this one. The only thing she could remember was watching something on his laptop and that she was not tired. This was apparently not the case for long.

Her mouth seemed strangely empty. Dry, but impatient. She got a sudden urge that she couldn't resist. She wanted something sweet she craved. Something to suck on. Something she could roll around on her tongue until the brain finally caught up with the rest of her body. The thought sent a small, restless warmth through her chest.

In her head, there’s only one thing that popped out.

LOLLIPOP

She opened her lips a little, thinking. If she could conjure them up in her mind, she could taste the sugar. The more she thought about it the more persisted the craving. Her tongue on her cheek, already expecting it to feel soft and warm in her mouth.

Slowly, Yeji was able to get up. The world slowed down for a second and she froze, hands clutched to the blanket. After the dizziness subsided, she lifted her legs up off the bed. The cold solidness of her feet touched the floor, and it wasn't saying anything to her balance sense.

She tried standing but it was not pretty. She didn't come up to her feet fast enough, leveled out too fast and needed to put a hand down on the bedside table to stop herself from falling. There was a small stack of books that was on the verge of falling over. It tipped over, but just in time righted itself.

Her knees were like jelly. Her head was an anomaly. She wanted to just go back under the covers and pretend that nothing really had happened. Then her tummy growled softly and the sweetness lured her imagination once more.

Right.

LOLLIPOP

She took a second, more careful step, took a slow inhale. Her legs weren't really into it. One foot was forced straight, the other foot a little to the side. She walked as if she's trying to walk down the aisle of a bus that's moving. It was a little adventure each step. She caught her toes on the edge of the rug, and did a clumsy little hop which she would have looked a fool to anyone looking at her.

She said something under her breath, but she couldn't hear herself.

“What the fuck is wrong with me? Wake up, Yeji.”

The oversized shirt she wore hung beyond her thighs and draped down one shoulder, revealing a long expanse of skin. Obviously, it wasn't her. The fabric was too large, too soft, and it smelled the same as she'd known before, only from Hyungsik. It was like a strange comfort and a bit crazy.

Yeji moved slowly toward the door of the bedroom, determined not to be deterred by the wobbly legs, from making a very important decision. She nudged the wall with her shoulder as she walked by, twice. In front of her was a hallway extending long enough twice to cover her, the trip seemed twice the distance she covered.

She walked almost as if she were buzzed on beer. Her heel once went up a little in the air and her arms went out in an effort to balance. She stood there, stunned, off-balance, with her eyes darting, and lowered her hands slowly the next time she was not actually falling.

If anyone had been watching, they may have believed that she was performing a new, very experimental style of dancing.

When she reached the end of the hallway, the light from the living room shone on her. It was sunnier there. The light seeped through the delicate curtains, bathing the floor and furniture in a delicate gold hue. Her eyes went to slits as she adjusted them to focus. For a second all seemed like a bit of a washout and a dream.

It was very quiet in the living room. The air was cool at the beginning of the morning. A shape, familiar to her, lay sprawled on the couch, filling most of the cushions.

Hyungsik

Her boyfriend.

His back was on the ground, with one arm loosely on his face and his lips just parted in sleep. His shirt had rolled up exposing a small amount of skin above the waistband of his pants. He was breathing deeply and slowly. He was very easygoing. Out cold.

She shuffle walked a couple of steps closer, half focused on him and half on the unyielding desire that only wouldn't go away. Her eyes rolled lazily over him, then lowered, unconsciously.

Her attention was drawn to something near his lap.

A basic form, outlined under fabric and shadows. It was too clear in her fuzzy brain. A bump which is rounder, more prominent than the rest. Her half awake mind saw the shape first and then immediately tried to think of the one thing that has been on her mind since she awoke.

Round. Big. Thick. Long

The words was like a lifeline to her brain.

She squinted, hunched forward slightly, to get it into focus. The more she looked at it, the more it seemed to be nothing; the more it seemed to be something. The distance, the light and the blurriness of her vision all contributed to filling in the blanks of her imagination.

Helpfully, her mind provided lollipop.

Of course. That seemed like a good idea.

When it was in her right state, there was no wavering. What she had wanted was sweets. She had come up with a lollipop idea. There was something, about that size, there. There was something about the universe this morning that was extremely efficient.

It turned her mouth watery at the thought.

Yeji didn't ask the question why it was there, or why it was there, or why there was no wrapper gleaming in the sunlight. Those were things she's talked about on a version of herself that's still operating her brain. The one that stood in the living room was running on the instincts and one big urge.

She started to move closer towards the sofa with a few steps that were still slightly wobbly. She accidentally bumped her hip into the corner of the coffee table and heard a soft thump, followed by a few items rattling. She flinched and then looked at Hyungsik to see if he woke up.

He didn’t move.

She felt encouraged and leaned over him, as she supported herself one hand on the back of the couch. Her hair fell forward like a curtain, encircling her face and casting a shadow over him. At this closer range, she could discern its shape better, but not better than logic could yet make a comeback.

Her hand seemed to be moving by itself. Slow and clumsy, her fingers reached out until she touched something warm and firm. Under her hands, it sprang to life and began to pulse slightly against her fingers. Not the same as candy typically tastes.

All she could think of was that it was there, and she could eat it.

Her fingers played sleepily with their grasp. She brought it near and her face was as close as a breath away. Her lips opened instinctively, the thirsty ache in her tongue and jaw. The air was cool for a moment, brushing her mouth.

“hmmm….smells amazing…..🤤🤤”

Then she closed the distance and took it in.

It was not sugary. It was not fruity. The flavor she tasted was warm, slightly salty, mushy like candy is mushy. It was heavy, smooth and full, filling her mouth more than she'd anticipated, and it settled on her tongue. She was confused and she was stubborn—but only for a moment.

“slrppp…slrppp….”

Yeji’s eyes fluttered closed. She put her lips to it and her cheeks pulled slightly as she sucked with slow lazy determination. There was no hurry with the movement, it was exploring, as if she were trying the taste of a new treat. Her tongue went over it tracing its contours, mapping it out in a small insignificant way. Every slow stroke of her tongue warmed her, and a weird, shivering heat seemed to seep into her belly.

“gawk…gawk…gawk…”

What a difference.

Her thoughts rumbled around indistinctly. But… good.