Like we used to

You’ve always felt out of place ever since your parents decided to move to a foreign country.

Whenever you walked to school with your mom or sometimes with your dad it felt like everyone was staring at you.

Those stares made you feel small and uncertain, especially when all the other kids seemed to blend together, while you’re… you. Like a red jellybean in a bag full of blue jellybeans.

Introducing yourself to the class was one of the hardest things you’ve ever had to do. It felt like no one understood what you’re saying or even cares enough to try. Maybe you’re just shy. No… you’re scared. Definitely scared.

Recess, something you used to look forward to, now filled you with anxiety. Every moment, you expected someone to make fun of you, laugh at you, or push you away.

But they never do.

You just hadn’t made any friends yet. Maybe it’s because you don’t know how to connect with them. Or maybe you’ve simply been too afraid to let anyone get close.

Hi! Would you like to share my tteokbokki? Eomma told me to share it with someone.

You didn’t notice that someone had sat beside you. You stared at her for a few seconds too long.

Sorry. Maybe you forgot my name. I introduced myself in class a little while ago. Hi, I’m Jisoo.

You instantly felt comforted by her smile. She looked different from the other kids, not quite like you, but close enough.

Hi… Sorry. That looks spicy.

No, it’s not. Eomma made sure to make it creamy and sweet, just the way I like it. Here, have some.

I’m not sure… but thank you for offering.

Hmm… okay! How about this Choco Pie? It’s my favorite! I don’t usually share it with anyone, but you can have it today.

You looked at the bright red wrapper with a picture of what looked like a soft chocolate-covered cake.

That looks good.

Here. You can have my Choco Pie today.

You accepted it with both hands. She smiled and nodded at you, as if encouraging you to unwrap it and take a bite.

Come on, try it! It’s sooo good!

You tore open the wrapper and instantly liked what you saw. The Choco Pie looked delicious and felt soft between your fingers.

You took a small bite.

Your eyes widened.

Then you took a bigger one.

Jisoo’s eyes lit up with joy as she watched you enjoy the snack.

I told you it was good! I’ll ask Eomma to pack two Choco Pies tomorrow so we can share.

Oh… sorry. I took a big bite. There’s less than half left now. Would you still like some?

It’s yours. Don’t be sorry. Enjoy!

Thank you, Jisoo.

That’s when you started to feel comfortable.

Still uncertain.

But a little less scared than before.

You were playing catch when you threw the ball a little too hard. It landed near where the older kids were sitting.

You froze.

You wanted to shrink… or pop like a bubble.

You were so afraid that you couldn’t even move.

Jisoo walked toward you and flashed a wide smile.

Come on. It’s okay. We can get the ball together.

Your feet stayed planted, as if roots had already grown beneath them.

It’s okay… I’ll just ask Mom to buy another ball.

Pabo. It’s right there. Why would you buy another one?

She grabbed your hand and pulled you free from your imaginary roots.

Still holding your hand tightly, she led you toward the older kids.

Sunbaenim, sorry! We threw the ball a little too hard, and it landed here. We’re just here to get it.

Oh, hello! It’s okay, you can—

Before the older student could finish, Jisoo picked up the ball with her free hand and ran off, still holding yours.

See? It wasn’t so bad, was it?

You didn’t even let Sunbaenim finish her sentence.

Cause I didn’t want to bother them, pabo.

I don’t think that’s very nice.