Lesson Learned

“And he just went on and on and on about himself. ‘I work here, I do this and that and it’s sooo hard!’ Like I care. My head hurt from trying to pretend to listen. That’s not how dating is supposed to be, is it?” Ryujin groans. “What happened having a normal conversation where there’s some give-and-take?”

“Ryujin. Ryujin. Please.” Yeji bangs her head on the wall behind her, giving up on the book she was trying to read. “If it was so bad, why are you home so late?”

“Well I already wasted an hour listening to him ramble, I need to get something out of it right?”

Ryujin, dressed in skinny jeans with ripped holes, a black short-sleeved shirt, and boots, slumps onto her bed next to Yeji. She slips off her leather jacket and throws it across to her own bed before she throws herself back against the sheets.

Yeji shuffles over slightly. “Get your makeup all over the comforter one more time and you’re in deep shit.”

Ryujin lets out a stressed sigh while Yeji is putting her copy of Kazuo Ishiguro’s Never Let Me Go down on the nightstand. “The sex was bad too.”

“Ryujin!” Yeji winces.

“What?” Ryujin throws her arms out to her side and they bounce as they hit the bed.

“You and your one-night stands, God…” Yeji rolls her eyes while she plumps up her pillow, resting it against the head of the bed and sitting against it, her knees against her chest and arms wrapped around them. “Don’t you think that there’s a sort of pattern here? You always go for the ones with huge egos and massive chips on their shoulders.”

“You’re not helping, Yeji.”

“So what do you want me to say? You did what you wanted to do.”

“I mean,” Ryujin stutters a bit, trying to find the words. She’s trying to articulate it, trying to describe something that she can’t explain in full. “It’s like this, they’re either boring or self-obsessed. Every guy, Yeji.”

Ryujin rubs her temples while staring at the ceiling, waiting for something magical to happen to give her some sort of answer, to save her from this mundane cycle of trying and failing over and over again.

“Don’t know why I’m telling you, it’s not like you would know.” She mutters while sulking.

“Then do I what I do: women,” Yeji says casually.

“That’s why I never ask you for advice,” Ryujin laughs and the lighthearted nature of the exchange eases the pressure inside her just slightly, takes her out of her head, and makes it less suffocating. It’s such an integral part of their dynamic. Yeji is always the calm in the storm, and Ryujin is the head-first-into-everything hurricane. “How does it all work? There’s like, no dick involved. Where’s the fun in that?”

“Does your first thought always have to be about sex?” Yeji feigns irritation and kicks out her left foot onto Ryujin’s arm playfully. “Get your mind out of the gutter.”

Ryujin ignores her and continues to muse out loud, not really caring for Yeji’s protests. “Girls are hot, I get it. But can it be as good as with a guy?”

“Better,” Yeji says coolly and without a shadow of a doubt. Her face is as cool as a winter evening and her tone is resolute, sharp, as if daring Ryujin to dispute her claim.

Ryujin’s doubt, or lack of understanding, creates a skeptical expression as she sits up from the bed and looks at Yeji. “Is that even possible?”

“Girls know what girls like, it’s guaranteed to be better than when you let confused guys fumble around for ten minutes while you fake an orgasm just so that you can fall asleep and end it,” Yeji says nonchalantly. There is a languid kind of serenity about her as she says that, it comes from a place of belief in her statement. “Trust me, I’ve done both.”

“That’s gross.” Ryujin wrinkles her nose while scooching over to sit by her feet.

“Gross? Did you not hear yourself?”

Ryujin narrows her eyes at Yeji and asks, “So what are you saying? That I should try fucking girls instead of guys?”

“For the sake of me not having to listen to you complain, yes please,” Yeji responds quickly.

Ryujin shifts closer to Yeji, lying on her front propping her head up in her hands and resting on her elbows, the duvet bunching underneath her. Yeji remains still but watches her movements cautiously. “What’s it like, what do you even do?” Ryujin furrows her brow. “How’s that supposed to work?”

“Go watch a video or something, Ryujin, seriously. This is the weirdest conversation.” Yeji looks at the time on her bedside table, her hand tucking her hair behind her ear, then she moves and puts both her legs over the edge of the bed, turning away from Ryujin.

Ryujin climbs to all fours and crawls up behind Yeji, encircling her hands around her waist, and laying her chin on her right shoulder. “Come on, just a few pointers will do. I’m curious.”

Yeji holds Ryujin’s wrists lightly but says nothing.

“Just help me out here,” Ryujin rasps, a little shaky. Yeji hears a soft hint of teasing and can smell the wooden tones of her perfume and the alcohol on her breath, “Isn’t this what friends do? We look out for each other. You’re gonna send your best friend into the field blindly to be attacked by vicious vaginas? How heartless are you?”

A pause before Yeji says, “One hundred percent.” Then she starts trying to pry apart Ryujin’s fingers that are interlocked over her abdomen.

“Seriously,” Ryujin starts talking in the back of Yeji’s ear and it gives her the goosebumps. She pauses. “Yeji, teach me.”

The silence grows longer between them. The only sound in their room is the hum of the air conditioner. The warmth between their two bodies increases the longer that Ryujin holds her, and a fluttering sensation builds in Yeji’s chest the more they remain still. Ryujin can feel her breathing quickening, her heartbeat starts to race a little, and then it grows faster. She thinks she might regret her next move but she does it anyway.

Ryujin moves her face and her lips start grazing Yeji’s neck softly, tentatively.

“What the hell are you doing Ryujin?”

She does not respond right away, instead, she presses a kiss to her neck.

“Ryu, stop messing around.”

And she does it a second time. “How am I to learn?”

“You have all the internet at your fingertips.” Yeji’s voice gets small.

Ryujin chuckles deeply in her throat and pulls herself against Yeji, getting a little more brazen.

Yeji shivers. The gentle press of her mouth sends a rising feeling inside her. She is ashamed to admit it, and she cannot begin to understand how or why it happened, but she’s enjoying it. “Ryujin,” the way the name falls off Yeji’s lips is husky, soft. And yet the firmness remains in her voice, but not completely. Ryujin can hear something else, too. There’s a delicate, dulcet whisper in it that tells her something else entirely. It urges her to keep going and see where this goes.

“I thought we looked out for each other?” Ryujin leaves a trail of kisses. She pulls her torso back just enough to get her hands on her chest before gently squeezing, testing Yeji’s resolve. “It’s just a little practice.”

Yeji keeps quiet. She should, her mouth feels heavy, and her brain feels woozy. There is heat coiling between her legs. Yeji would never allow any of this, it was completely unbecoming, but the way that her friend’s lips felt on her, the way that she was making her feel… she cannot deny that her touch is sending shockwaves down her spine, that this feels so right and she wants her to keep doing this to her.

“Teach me how to have sex with girls,” Ryujin utters, in a low voice that reverberates deeply through her body, and it gives Yeji chills all over again.

“Enough. It’s not funny anymore, okay?” She can feel her face get warm. She grabs onto Ryujin’s wrists tighter as she asks her to let go, but the effort to peel them off is half-hearted at best, and her strength ebbing away and her skin abuzz the longer they stayed on her breasts and Ryujin begins to knead her hands.

Ryujin, when was she ever anything but chaotic?

“Show me, come on. Show me what you do,” and with that, Ryujin sucks on her neck, which makes her squirm underneath, which in turn makes Ryujin grab onto Yeji harder. The grip causes a flood of blood to rush south, sending the room spinning, a single moan escapes from her mouth and Yeji, to her complete humiliation, can feel herself getting wet.

Yeji slams her eyes shut and takes a deep, shaky breath. And she tilts her neck to the side, silently giving herself up. Ryujin smiles and kisses her exposed collarbone, and Yeji allows her to do it. When she finally feels the heat of her lips and her teeth on the spot, Yeji bites her bottom lip and the air rushes out of her nose in a helpless whimper.

“Feels good?” Ryujin speaks onto her flesh, her warm, dark voice filled with desire.

Yeji snaps back into reality, the weight of what’s happening striking her all at once, and the room stops spinning. A throbbing starts at the bottom of her spine and the cold clarity seeps back into her senses. “Ryujin.” She can feel her squeezing tighter. “Ryujin!” She shakes off her hand and this time manages to peel her arms off. “This is too far.”