The Salt in Her Cookies

She was tired.

And she knew that alone was an understatement. The weather wasn’t doing any good for her either. She didn’t like the winter season. Even if she grew up with the nickname.

She didn’t really like winter. She actually preferred autumn more. It wasn’t too cold, it wasn’t hot like summer, it didn’t give her allergies just like in spring. It was just right for her.

Maybe she loved autumn even more because she spent most of the season with Jimin. Where they would get ice cream even if the wind was so cold, or where one would head to the grocery store, cook dinner and they ended up on Minjeong’s couch, watching a movie on her television.

Her favorite days were when she was baking cookies, and she always pictured the excited and surprised expression on Jimin’s face whenever Minjeong would shove a container of them towards the older woman’s face.

But those days faded too quickly. Like it wasn’t enough. Because Minjeong genuinely wanted to know what the winter season would be like now that she had Jimin with her and her neighbor’s quirky group of friends.

Guess she had to wait for the next winter season, and she was worried if she wouldn't be able to experience it at all. She wanted to wait for Jimin. If she had to wait for days, weeks, months or maybe even years, then she would.

Because there was something about Jimin that just screamed love. Even if words were unspoken, she felt something. It had to be. Because then why was she feeling this way and why did it get stronger whenever her and Jimin were together?

“You were the only one who was able to calm her down.”

“I want to be her safe place,” she answered back in her head. Not realizing that she was completely zoning out and Professor Kang was staring straight at her.

“Minjeong? You okay?” Yeji gently asked her, a concerned look on her face.

And that was when Minjeong realized she was crying. She immediately stood up from her seat and asked to be excused, not waiting for Professor Kang to say a word and Minjeong was already out the door.

They made Minjeong sit on her couch as the girls hovered over to make sure she was alright.

Yeji went to her kitchen to grab her something to drink while Yizhuo sat next to her, and Lia was on her other side. They didn’t touch her, but she could sense that they didn’t want to stay away either.

Minjeong felt a little fragile that day. She wasn’t sure why, it could be the coldness of the air, or could be the lecture that day that drained her.

Or that this entire experience had made her realize that her heart was made of glass.

She was honestly tired of it. Tired of feeling this weak and crying like a baby.

The only source of strength she had was her motivation to see Jimin again.

Lia shook her thoughts away for a moment when she felt her hand rub her arm. “Wanna talk about it?” she asked gently.

“Not really,” she muttered, leaning her head on the backrest of the couch.

Lia nodded, rubbing her arm again. “It’s okay, Jeongie. Just take your time.”

Memories of what happened earlier in that class flooded her mind this time. The way her teacher was looking at her and the way she was about to say something to her before she ran out of the class.

She sighed, then threw her hand on her head. “It’s just so embarrassing that Professor Kang saw me crying,” she groaned. Then another thought popped in her head, and she started panicking. “Oh, God. What if she tells Joohyun unnie and then she’ll tell Jimin?”

Yizhuo was the one who held her this time, a hand over hers and her thumb making small circles at the back of her palm. “Hey, I don’t think that’s going to happen okay?”

Yeji suddenly came in, handing Minjeong a glass of water and Minjeong took it carefully from her. Yeji sat on the floor by Minjeong’s legs. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure Professor Kang will keep it to herself. Or still tell her wife because it’s a thing for married couples to do that,” she explained, hoping that would soothe her worries. Then she shook her head. “But I don’t think they’ll tell Jimin.”

“Are you okay though?” Yizhuo asked her this time.

She wasn’t sure if she should answer it in detail. Because there was just so much going on inside her mind and her heart that she didn’t know if she could hold everything in once she decided to let it all out again.

It might make them stay with her for another night again and she didn’t want them to do that all the time. Even if she genuinely appreciated it. But she could handle herself. She had to.

Thoughts of Jimin’s smile were plastered in her mind; the bright, dimpled smile of hers. The way her laugh sounded, how her voice lowered when they were talking about something serious, or how it became high-pitched and playful when Minjeong teased her about something. Mostly about the way Jimin stuffed her face with cookies.

She wanted to smile at the memory. But it was difficult because she didn’t know when she was going to see all of that all over again. If anything, it was the only thing she asked from the world at that point.

It felt bittersweet.

“I don’t know,” she answered honestly. Then she sighed. “I miss her.”

Yeji nodded, leaning her head on her knee. “We know.”

“It’s okay, Jeongie. We're here,” said Lia.

Yizhuo leaned her head on Minjeong’s shoulder and nodded as well. “We’ll always be here.”

Joohyun was busy mixing a batter in her hands. She honestly was slightly pissed off that one of their customers decided to order a bulk order at the last minute. Jeongyeon tried to convince her that she was able to do this on her own. But knowing that it was a bigger order than usual, she had to stay.

It wasn’t like her to leave work like that.

Plus, she trusted Seulgi enough that she could take care of Jimin while she was away for a couple of hours. But that didn’t really help with her worries.

There was a chance that Jimin was sleeping early and then she might have another nightmare and Seulgi wouldn’t be able to handle that on her own. She could have called Jisoo to come over and stay with Jimin, but their other sister had to attend an important meeting for work and she couldn't slip out of that. Joohyun understood that. Jisoo's job was very demanding.

She sighed. She had about three more batches to finish before she was satisfied with her work and then she could go home.

Jeongyeon slipped beside her and gave her a look. “Unnie, you should seriously go home. Jimin might need you.”

The pang of guilt was in her chest. She was so conflicted because she really wanted to go home and be there for Jimin because that made her feel more secure at night. But the fact that Jeongyeon was sweating bullets, their workers were doing double-time at the moment didn’t sit well with her. She didn’t want to abandon them.

She shook her head. “Seulgi is with her, and I told her I’ll be home once I’m done.” She then looked up at her cousin. “Just three batches and I’ll go home.”

Jeongyeon sighed and nodded. “All right. Thanks again, unnie. You’re a big help.”

She smiled back and then went back to the batter in her hands. Once she was sure she was done, she grabbed the tray, used a can of baking spray and then poured the batter in.

“Unnie,” Jeongyeon called her and immediately handed her the phone. “Seulgi unnie is calling.”

Her heart almost dropped, including the batter in her hands. But she hurriedly poured the whole thing in, carefully placed the bowl down and took the phone from Jeongyeon.

She recalled telling her wife that she should always call if it was Jimin related. Even if it wasn’t bad or something mundane. She always had to call.

“Hey,” her wife greeted once she answered the call.

“Hey? What’s wrong? Is Jimin okay?” she started asking frantically.