Thursday | March 28th, 2024 | 5:55 PM
The news hit me like a ton of bricks. I was completely, utterly, even hopelessly, in despair. Standing across from a depressed Karina who just dropped the crazy news that she and Kwangmin had broken up with me, Chungha, and Ningning. The two girls were trying to comfort her but I was just stuck in place, my mind a blank slate.
I was frozen against the counter I was leaning against. My arms gripped my biceps in my crossed-armed posture. I was in shock for other reasons.
"Wait, what did you just say?" I asked, my voice barely a whisper.
"We broke up," Karina repeated. "He... he broke up with me." A tear rolled down her cheek, a single, glistening bead that left a trail of sadness on her perfect skin. So she didn't mispeak. My mind was reeling, the news a bombshell that shattered my carefully constructed reality.
"I'm sorry, I was just wondering, I didn't mean to-," Ningning quickly stepped in, her face with a look of concern. The conversation for the day while no customers were in was about our significant others. I, of course, had talked boldly and highly of my sweet Chaewon but once the conversation steered towards Karina's relationship, we learned about this sad development.
"No, it's okay," Karina said, wiping away a tear. "I just... I don't know what happened."
"He probably found someone better," Chungha teased, trying to lighten the mood with her usual jab at Karina. Coming from someone else, Karina probably would've burst into tears. But coming from Chungha, it just made her smile.
"No, it wasn't that. He-," Karina started but I was too scared of what she'll say next. In case you forgot, me and Kwangmin have history. History, meaning, I burst his balls breaking into his and Karina's shared apartment on a mission to steal her underwear and somehow got away with that plus more.
Maybe the threats of returning and blackmailing got to him? Was it my fault? The thought was a sickening,cold dread that settled down in the bottom of my stomach.
"I don't even know," Karina sighed, her hands coming to her face as she covered her eyes, "He just said he couldn't handle the pressure of being in a relationship with someone like me and just... left." Her shoulders started to shake, the sobs wracking her body.
"Someone like you? What does that even mean?" Chungha scoffed, her arms crossing. "You're a catch, Karina. Any guy would be lucky to have you."
I awkwardly leaned further back onto the counter and stared up at the cafe's ceiling. The weight of my guilt was crushing, a heavy blanket that I couldn't shake off after it was thrown on me.
I replayed that day in my mind. The fight I won against the man, the dark words that spilled out my mouth, the satisfaction of stealing her panties. It was a moment of pure, unadulterated power, a feeling that I had chased ever since. But now, that power came with a price. A price that Karina was paying.
"He didn't say anything else?" I asked, my voice came out a low, wavering whisper. I was scared to hear the answer, but I had to know. I had to know if I was the cause of her pain. I had to know if a part of my secret was now known to other people besides me and Nakyung. Would that mean Karina is now aware of the dangerous "panty thief" that hit her apartment and threatened to come back?
"No," Karina sniffled, her hands dropping from her face. "He just... packed his stuff and left." My breath hitched. He was gone. Just like that, with my secret of that day between him and I. He was gone. But was he really? Or was he just waiting, biding his time, plotting his revenge? The thought sent a shiver down my spine.
I couldn't imagine it, the thought of it was terrifying. One day, chilling in my bed at the dorm to hear the sound of law enforcement kicking my door in and throwing metal around my wrists. The thought of my family, my friends, finding out about my dirty little secret. It was a nightmare, a waking nightmare that I couldn't escape. I had to remind myself I was completely disguised that day, but I wasn't in the practice of masking my voice.
Although I'm certain there's no way he could’ve known it was me, the chance he recognized me off my voice alone was still there. It sent a bad shudder through my back and neck.
"Good riddance," Chungha said, her voice a low, determined growl. "You deserve better anyway."
"Maybe it's for the best," Ningning added, her voice soft and gentle. "You'll find someone who appreciates you for who you are."
I was just in my own head the entire time, blocking out the conversation. The world around me faded into a muffled, distant hum. Geez, I didn't feel like a "golden-hearted" person right now. That was for sure. It's kind of hard to feel good about yourself when you find out your actions have consequences you weren't ready for.
I let my eyes outline the contours of Karina's face. The redness of her eyes, the tear tracks on her cheeks. And I saw the pain in her eyes, the raw, unfiltered hurt of a broken heart. And I was the cause of it. I was the villain in her story. The monster in her closet. I was the reason she was crying.
All I could do was stand there, a witness to my own destruction. I sighed and bowed my head in shame, "I'm sorry to hear that, Karina."
"It's okay, Minjae," she said, forcing a small, sad smile. "I just... I need some time."
"Right," I replied. The bell above the cafe door chimed, and I was grateful for the distraction. I looked up, hoping it was a customer, a reason to escape the suffocating atmosphere. Thankfully, my wish came true, and it was a couple who had entered the cafe. Karina and Chungha, together, went into the back kitchen to talk things over while Ningning and I came forward to deal with the customers.
I tried to focus, to put on a smile, to act like everything was normal. But it wasn't. The world had shifted on its axis, and I was struggling to find my footing back on earth.
I took the order from the couple, my movements robotic, my mind a million miles away. I could feel their eyes on me, a curious, questioning gaze. I ignored them and moved on to help Ningning make drinks. The familiar routine of making boba tea was a small comfort, a temporary escape from the turmoil in my mind. The clinking of ice, the whirring of the blender, the sweet smell of syrup and tea. It was a symphony of normalcy.
"You okay?" Ningning asked, her voice a loud interruption to my thoughts. "You've been weird."
"I'm fine," I lied, my eyes fixed on the drink I was making. I turned to her with the best poker face I could make, "I thought I've always been weird."
"You are," she admitted, "I used the wrong word. You're more... distracted."
"I'm just... worried for Karina," I said, partially telling the truth. "She's going through a lot." And I was the one who put her through it.
"I know," she said, her shoulders slumping, her gaze falling to the floor. "I just hope she's okay. She didn't deserve that."
No, she didn't. I had to make this right. But how? I couldn't exactly walk up to her and say, "Hey, sorry I broke into your apartment and threatened your ex-boyfriend. By the way, have you seen your panties? I might have them."
Tsk.
"Yeah, it sucks," I said, turning my attention back to the drink. I shook the shaker with a little too much force, the ice rattling against the metal. "But she's strong. She'll get through it."
"I know," Ningning said, her voice soft. "But it's still hard to see her like this." I nodded to myself. Not really sure why I did, maybe it was the urge to relieve my guilt. That being said, my thoughts were interrupted once again when I heard a short yelp from my side.
I turned my head to see Ningning recoiled in shock as I noticed the top of a drink shaker had opened and spilled boba all over the floor and Ningning herself. The boba pearls scattered across the floor like black marbles, a sticky, sweet mess.
"Shit, I didn't close it all the way," Ningning cursed, her face a mask of frustration. I turned around to see the couple that had ordered the drinks, staring at the mess with a mix of amusement and annoyance. I turned back to Ningning, a small smile playing on my lips, the guilt inside me temporarily subsided for now I had to deal with this mess.
"Let's get this cleaned up," I said, grabbing a broom and dustpan from the corner. Ningning was groaning as she peeled her clothes off her skin that was drenched with boba. The sight was a little distracting, but I forced myself to focus on the task at hand. This isn't the first time this has happened by the way.
Ever since Ningning started working here, she tends to make a mess at least once a week. She'll spill drinks, drop cups, and even get syrup all over herself. But she's a good worker, and she's a good friend so we've learned to live with her clumsiness.
It felt like a gust of wind hit me in the face, drawing my attention to the whispers I started to hear in my head. The usual, dark whispers that told me to do bad things. But this time, they were different. They were... clearer.
More deliberate.
I watched as Ningning peeled off her sticky shirt, her skin glistening under the cafe lights. I could see the outline of her bra, a simple, black lace thing. The thought of it sent a jolt of arousal through me, a spark of heat that was cutting slowly through the guilt and shame like a hot knife through butter.
I bet she wears a matching pair.
The thought came naturally. A simple but effective plan was forming in my head and eventually out of my mouth.
"You're sort of clumsy, aren't you?" I teased, trying to lighten the mood, my words chosen with a specific purpose. Ningning laughed and fixed her apron, to try and cover up as many of the wet spots as she could.
"Thanks for stating the obvious, genius," she quipped, her arms crossing as she looked at me. Everything was cleaned up but I was still looking at her.
"Your shirt's pretty messed up," I said, my eyes tracing the contour of her chest. I had to bite my tongue to keep from saying something else, something darker. "Maybe you should change into your spare."
"I don't have one," she said, her head tilting in confusion. Bingo.
"Huh? Do you not have spare clothes to wear?" I asked, my tone feigning surprise. Honestly, I wasn't that surprised but I had to make my reaction over the top for a reason. It worked, since Ningning looked taken back as she started remaking the drink order.
"Ah, I don't carry any spares around," she said with a shrug, focusing on the new drink.
"Hmm, I always keep a spare change of clothes in my car. Not even for work, I have them for times I need to go to a friend's house right after work and I don't stop by my dorm," I rambled. My rambling was making Ningning's brain short-circuit. She was so busy focusing on making the new drink that she didn't even process my words fully. That was until I said, "Maybe you should start carrying a change in clothes too."
I blushed as I mustered the courage to even say the next words to Ningning, "Maybe even underwear and a bra." I lifted my finger to sell my point. Getting myself flustered as a means to make it seem like I'm just being a thoughtful, albeit slightly embarrassed, friend. My blush wasn't entirely fake, though. The thought of Ningning's underwear, the thought of getting my hands on it, was making my heart race.
I wasn't expecting much. Maybe an awkward laugh or a brush off. But I didn't expect her to stop what she was doing and look at me with a wide-eyed expression. I thought that I might've been a little too forward with my suggestion.
But then, she smiled. A small, shy smile that made my heart skip a beat. "Ah, right, you got me there," she said, her cheeks flushing a light shade of pink. "I'll keep that in mind." She thought I was just giving genuine, friendly advice. She didn’t think that I was setting up a heist right in front of her.
I was a good actor. A really good actor. I had to be.
I took a deep breath and forced a smile, my mind already racing ahead. "Yeah, you never know when you'll need a fresh pair," I said, my voice a little too enthusiastic. I was laying it on a little thick, but I had to make certain. This plan festered on Ningning bringing clean fucking underwear to work.
I think I had enough of fooling with people's personal lives as of now, so there was only plan A and plan A only. I'll let this idea simmer in Ningning's mind, just give it time for the suggestion to stick into her head. I wait for her clumsy nature to work in my favor and she changes out into her fresh clothes then I somehow steal the discarded ones. This plan could take days or even weeks. But I was patient. I wasn't really up to being reckless anymore after the whole Karina thing now.
Ningning had finished remaking her drink and passed it over to me to give to the couple who had been waiting patiently. I gave them their drinks with a polite smile and a nod, and they left the cafe, their conversation a low, distant murmur. The cafe was quiet once again, the only sounds were the soft hum of the refrigerators and the distant chatter of Karina and Chungha in the kitchen.
The guilt came back in full force. My brief moment of predatory glee was gone, replaced by a sickening dread. I had just used Ningning's clumsiness and naiveness as an excuse to plant another seed of depravity in my mind. I just can't stop. Can I?
My body carried itself into the back, with Ningning following behind, to join Karina and Chungha.
"Customer's gone, no food needed," Ningning announced. Karina was leaning against the counter, her face bowed solemnly, but she looked a little better than she did before. Chungha stood next to her, her arm wrapped around Karina's shoulder, offering silent support. She saw me and gave me a small, sad smile.
"That's great," Chungha said, her eyes flicking to Ningning, and then to me. "What's wrong with your shirt, kiddo?"
"Spilled," Karina and I happened to say at the same time, earning a small grin from Karina. That was good, she was perking up.
"Of course," Chungha said with a sigh, rolling her eyes at Ningning. "I swear, you're a walking disaster zone." Her tone was teasing, but there was a hint of genuine concern in her eyes.
"For real, we can't keep cleaning after you," Karina looked up and added, joining in on the teasing. The three of us chuckled, a small, but welcome, moment of levity in the otherwise somber atmosphere.
I leaned back against the opposite counter, my arms crossed. As I settled in my spot, Karina just let out a sigh and let her arms dangle by her sides. I watched her, I saw the way she shifted her weight, her body slumping in defeat. "I just wish I knew why," She whispered.
I closed my eyes and felt the slow stab of guilt enter my chest. I wished I could tell her the truth. If I did, the way the world would perceive me would change forever. I'd be arrested for sure. A predator, a creep, a monster. No longer the "friendly and nice friend," the "funny and thoughtful" guy everyone thought I was. I'd be a stain on humanity's history, lumped with the likes of other pervs and creeps.
Like Nakyung said, it's just the person that I am. I'm forever stuck as a horny freak. My eyes opened again and I caught a glimpse of Karina's puffy eyes and quivering lips. But I couldn't help but feel a pang of empathy for her. It was my fault she was in this state. A fact I couldn't ignore.
She looked at me. Karina looked right at me, with her sad, tearful eyes. Something got stuck in my throat as I tried to dissect her eyes, nose, the other facial features that made up the look she was giving me. "Minjae," She whispered my name like a quiet prayer. My chest tightened. "Minjae knows why, actually,"
"Huh," I was stunned. I just stood there, frozen, unable to speak, unable to move. What is she talking about?
"Remember? We talked in front of my apartment like a few months ago?" Karina said, her eyes searching mine. "After we went out to eat as a group?" Ah, a vague memory, but I remember. It was the day I drove Karina home from work, in fact, it was the very day I learned her address to break into her apartment later on but she didn’t need to know that.
I remember the conversation that day was centered around my lingering feelings for Haerin whilst my love for Chaewon was blooming again. Karina managed to push some thoughts out of me and in return she shared how she and Kwangmin started dating.
"We had this talk in front of my apartment, and I told him about how Kwangmin got my attention by being so persistent," She began.
"Right, he had to ask you out twice before you finally went on a date with him." I recalled, my mind racing.
"Yeah," Karina nodded, a small, sad smile forming on her lips. "Maybe he got sick of the chase? You know? Like he had me and he was done," Stop it. Stop it now, don't blame yourself. Blame me, blame me, blame me, but don't blame yourself. I wanted to scream at her. But I couldn't. So I just stood there, my hands clenched into fists, my knuckles white, my heart pounding in my chest.
"I don't know, but that can't be it," I sighed, my gaze shifting towards the kitchen door.
Chungha chimed in, her brow furrowed, "I can see it. A lot of guys are like that."
Ningning groaned, "So sleazy."
"No, I should've just paid more attention to him," Karina whimpered.
Stop. Just stop it. The words were on the tip of my tongue, but I couldn't bring myself to say them. I was a coward. A selfish, cowardly monster. I watched as she spiraled, my guilt was just devouring me like a buffet.
"Maybe school was distracting me from taking care of him and he just got sick of it, o-oh god," Karina's hands came to her face as she started to cry. "I'm a terrible girlfriend."
"Stop it," I finally choked out. I pushed off from the counter and walked over to Karina. Without thinking, I threw an arm around her shoulder. She tensed at my touch but then melted into my embrace, her head resting on my shoulder. I could feel her tears soaking into my shirt, a warm, wet reminder of my sins. "You are not a terrible girlfriend, Karina. You are one of the most lovely people I know."
Chungha shot me a surprised look, her eyes wide with disbelief. I could see the questions in her eyes, but I ignored her. I had to focus on Karina. I had to make her feel better, even if it was just for a moment.
"Take it from me," I said, my voice low and steady. "He doesn't deserve you."
I held her for a while, her sobs gradually subsiding. I could feel her relax in my arms, her body leaning into mine for support. Up this close, I could smell her perfume, a sweet, floral scent that was a stark contrast to the bitter taste of my guilt.
"C'mon, be for real, Karina. Maybe you’re right, he got tired of chasing," I said, trying to comfort her. "If that's true, then he wasn't worth it. Someone who isn't capable of seeing you as more than a prize to be won isn't someone you want to be with." I felt like a fraud as my words were coming out of me. A damn hypocrite. I was no better than Kwangmin. I also saw her as a prize to be won, a conquest to be added to my collection.
Chungha and Ningning agreed with my words, adding their own words of comfort. I was glad to have them there, to have their voices to drown out my own self-loathing. I was glad I wasn't alone in this, even though I felt like I was.
"Thanks, guys," Karina sniffled, her head lifting from my shoulder. She wiped her tears with the back of her hand, her eyes red and puffy. She looked at me, a small, grateful smile on her lips. "I needed that."
"No problem," I said, my voice a little too tight. I let go of her and took a step back, "A good cry always helps, just wished it wasn't on my shirt. I almost look like Ningning," I gave her a weak smile, trying to lighten the mood. Ningning, who was still standing in the corner, gave me a playful glare.
After a while, we all moved, and I went back to my spot by the counter. I watched as Karina took a deep breath and wiped her tears, a small, determined look on her face. She was stronger than she thought. She was a fighter.
"I think I'm okay now," she said, her voice a little shaky. "I just need to... you know, get through the day."
"Of course," Chungha said, her arm wrapping around Karina's shoulder. "We're here for you." The two of them went back to the kitchen, leaving me and Ningning in the front.
I let out a sigh and ran a hand through my hair. The guilt was still there, a constant, gnawing presence in the back of my mind. But I had pushed it down, buried it under a layer of false bravado and comforting words. I was a good actor. A really good actor.
Kwangmin. The only other person besides Nakyung who knows of my existence as a panty thief, and what will he do with that information? He was gone. He could’ve told everyone. He could’ve ruined my plans.
But he didn't. He just left. Why? Was it fear? Was it shame? Was it his excuse to leave behind a relationship he was already struggling with and my involvement was just the final push? The questions swirled in my mind, a tangled mess of what-ifs and maybes.
But I couldn't dwell on it. I had to focus on the present. Take a breath, and think it through thoroughly. Realistically, what does Kwangmin know about me? One, I broke into his and Karina's apartment and proceeded to beat him in a fight, that's assault plus breaking & entering. Next, I forced him to steal Karina's panties for me as well as procured his and Karina's lewd pictures, which added blackmail and theft to my ledger. Finally, my threats of returning to do the same again if he didn't keep quiet. Besides that, nothing regarding my identity.
The odds were on my side that even if he did go to the police, he wouldn't be able to identify me. I was disguised. But I was still scared. The thought of law enforcement being aware of a panty thief on the loose, the thought of them investigating, ugh, it makes me feel sick. Not only that, what if a public announcement was to be made and as a result past victims that I've stolen from would come forward? Noting the mysterious jizz in their fresh undies?
The worst case scenario blew up in my head as I imagined someone like Minju, Kazuha, or even the fucking Shin sisters bringing evidence forward. I don't know if it was possible but fuck, what if they reverse engineer my sperm and cuff me? That's a bit much but still a possibility. And what about Chaewon?
Chaewon. The thought of her finding out, the thought of the disgust and betrayal in her eyes, was a pain so sharp it felt like a physical blow. I'd lose her. For good, this time. Ugh, I just can't do this anymore. The guilt of what I did to Karina, the guilt of what I've done to fucking Suzy, the guilt of what I was doing to Chaewon, the guilt of what I was planning to do to Ningning. It was all too much. My mind imploded in on itself, and I mindlessly drew a blank for the rest of work.
I worked, autonomously, like a robot. My movements were mechanical, my mind a blank slate. I took orders, I made drinks, I cleaned up. I didn't talk, I didn't smile, I didn't react. I was just there, a ghost in my own life contemplating the ending of it all.
Thursday | March 28th, 2024 | 10:21 PM
"Yoohoo, Earth to Minjae, I'm right here, my tits are out, hello?" The sound of Nakyung's voice, laced with her usual playful sarcasm, snapped me out of my stupor. I blinked, my eyes focusing on the sight before me. Nakyung, shirtless as she did a little bounce to grab my attention before pulling a black long sleeve shirt over her head.
Somehow, I finished work. I don't remember leaving the cafe. I don't remember driving my car home. All I remember is the overwhelming sense of dread, the crushing weight of my guilt. But I’m here now, in my dorm room, with Nakyung. She had a habit of letting herself in, a habit that I normally found endearing, but right now, it was just a dull reminder especially when she reminded me of what day it was.
Tonight, we cross Tzuyu's name off my personal hit list.
Nakyung has been handling everything behind the scenes for me whilst I was busy plunging myself into a lust frenzy with Minju, Kazuha and Minji the past week. And now, it's Tzuyu's turn. I didn't like not being in control of my own heist but Nakyung's been a good partner in crime since she first found out my secret, so it felt like a long time coming for her to take lead for a change.
But I wasn't in the mood. Not at all. Nakyung definitely noticed, since she already busted out my alcohol supply I keep in the fridge for guests and poured me a glass of soju, before she even said a real hello to me. I must've already been a few shots in before I finally took control over my body again.
"What's up with you," Nakyung questioned, "C'mon, get dressed. We have to be out there before she comes." She tossed a black hoodie and a matching beanie onto my lap. My heist outfit that was starting to become too familiar for my liking.
"I'm sorry, what?" I managed to say, my voice hoarse.
Nakyung sighed, her hands on her hips. "The plan, Minjae. Tzuyu? Remember?"
Obviously, I remember. Tzuyu was our target, a plan in the making since October.
Gaining access to her secret OnlyFans was the easy part, all thanks to Nakyung's sticky fingers in the club. It was the blackmail that Nakyung orchestrated that was the masterpiece. First, she forcibly logged Tzuyu out of her own account and changed the password to ensure we were the only ones with access. From what she told me, she then messaged Tzuyu from a burner account, threatening to leak her explicit photos and videos to her parents, her friends, everyone she knew if she didn't follow her instructions. The instructions were simple.
She'd meet us behind the university library building, the good thing about it was that there were no trails nor paths leading there which meant little to no illumination on our little meeting. She would bring her panties, as much as she could bring. We didn't really ask for any specifics but Nakyung basically said "the ones you wear in your photos." And she'd give them to us. No questions asked. Easy, as long as Tzuyu came alone and cooperated with our instructions.
Of course, I say that but knowing Nakyung, she was probably in the mood for more than just an exchange. My theory was proven true when she had laid out the rest of the plan to me, a plan that I was not a fan of.
Once we made the exchange, Nakyung would switch gears and threaten Tzuyu on the spot, face to face, to leak her OnlyFans to her close friends, starting with none other than me. She'll go through with it, sending me a link to her OnlyFans. But Tzuyu, who is unaware of the so-called 'friend' standing in front of her, would obviously freak out and be forced to comply with whatever Nakyung asked of her in the moment or else another friend or family gets the link. It was a devious plan, a plan that was a testament to Nakyung's cunning and cruelty. It was also a plan that made me sick to my stomach.
The plan wasn't a simple exchange of panties anymore, it was about Nakyung wanting to dominate someone. She wanted to see Tzuyu squirm, to see the fear in her eyes. She wanted to feel powerful.
"I don't think I want to do this heist," I said, my voice barely a whisper.
Nakyung stopped and stared at me. Her eyes widened in disbelief, and then narrowed in suspicion. She slowly walked over to me, her hips swaying with a predatory grace. She crouched down in front of me, her hands on my knees. Her face was inches from mine, her breath warm on my skin.
"What did you just say?" she asked, her voice a low, smooth purr.
"I don't want to go," I sighed, "Just do it without me." I didn't want to face Tzuyu. I didn't want to see the fear in her eyes, to hear the tremor in her voice. I didn't want to be a part of Nakyung's twisted game.
"Minjae, what's wrong with you?" she asked, her brow furrowed. "Cold feet again? How many times do we have to have the same conversation over and over? You want to do this. You want the panties. You love this."
Her usual spiel was making me roll my eyes. This wasn't like the last few times we've had this conversation. I wasn't just feeling a little guilty or a little scared. I was genuinely starting to regret my life choices.
"No, I don't," I said, my voice a little stronger this time. "Not like this. This isn't fun anymore, Nakyung. This is... cruel." The words tasted strange on my tongue, a foreign language I was just learning to speak. Honesty. It was a bitter, unfamiliar taste.
Nakyung laughed, a short, sharp, humorless sound. "Cruel? Minjae, we're stealing panties. We're not killing puppies."
"This is different," I insisted, my gaze meeting hers. "We're not just stealing. We're blackmailing. We're terrorizing. We're hurting people." The guilt from the Karina situation, the fear of getting caught, the aftermath of Professor Suzy, it was all coming to a head. I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't be the monster Nakyung wanted me to be.
"So what?" she retorted, her hands moving to pour out two more shots of soju for us. "It's fun. It's exciting. It's what gets you off, isn't it?"
"No," I said, shaking my head at her usual argument. "It's just... it's just not right. What we're doing to Tzuyu... she's our friend. What we're about to do will possibly scar her for a long while. And for what? Panties? Pictures?"
I saw a flicker of something in Nakyung's eyes. Surprise? Disappointment? Anger? I couldn't be sure. It was gone as quickly as it appeared, replaced by her usual cool, collected demeanor.
"She'll get over it," she said, waving a dismissive hand. "People are resilient." She took a shot of soju, her eyes never leaving mine. "Now, are you coming or not?"
"You can't say that, you don't know how she will react," I argued, my frustration growing.
"Geez, what is up with you? Did something happen?" Nakyung asked, her voice softening. I could see the gears turning in her head, her mind trying to piece together the puzzle of my sudden change of heart.
"It's... a lot of things," I said, my gaze dropping to my hands. "The Suzy thing, Karina... I'm just... I'm tired, Nakyung. I'm tired of the guilt. It's eating at me like crazy. I thought I could handle this double life thing, but I'm not, I'm not like you."
"What happened with Karina?" Nakyung pressed, her curiosity piqued.
"Her and her boyfriend broke up," I announced. "And I think... I think me breaking into their apartment and stealing her underwear and intimate photos weighed on Kwangmin's consciousness." My phone in my pocket felt heavier, the pictures and videos Kwangmin sent me of him and Karina were locked away in a secret folder with the other numerous photos and videos I've taken of other girls since this whole crusade of mine started.
"Huh, that does suck," Nakyung bluntly commented, not showing a hint of empathy. "But that's not your fault, Minjae. He was probably already looking for a way out."
She probably wasn't wrong, but I just couldn't shake the feeling that I was the catalyst, that I was the one who pushed him over the edge. I was the one who put Karina in this situation, the one who caused her pain. And I couldn't live with that. I couldn't live with myself.
"It still feels like it's my fault," I mumbled.
"Take your damn shot already," Nakyung ordered, gesturing at my untaken glass as she poured herself another. I downed it in one go, the liquid burning a path down my throat. Nakyung refilled my glass and nodded her head at me. Together, we took another shot.
"Listen," she said, her voice softer than I'd ever heard it. "You're overthinking this. You're always overthinking. Just breathe and do it for the thrill."
Thrill. The thrill? It's always about the damn thrill, huh, isn't it? What kind of thrill am I supposed to feel when the person you're about to terrorize is someone you've known for a while? What kind of thrill am I supposed to feel when I know I'm about to ruin someone's life?
"Is this what you get off to now? Seeing girls squirm and beg?" I couldn't help but ask, my words laced with bitterness. A part of me was angry with Nakyung, but it wasn't that serious. If anything, I was more or less pissed off at myself for letting it get this far. This all started with an accidental drop of dirty laundry from that Joohyun girl, and somehow I'm at a blackmail and borderline sexual assault case.
"You already know what I'm going to say to that," She sighed.
I shook my head, shaking my brain against my skull. "Do you not remember when I told you how much it hurt me when I was groping on Sakura when she was sleeping? Do you not remember what you said to me, you said, and I'm paraphrasing, 'At least you didn't rape her'. Do you remember that?"
I did. Nakyung did say that.
"What do you think I've done already? Suzy? Remember her? What did I do to her? Now Tzuyu? Where does it stop? When does it stop?" I was practically shouting now, my voice hoarse with emotion. I was angry, I was frustrated, I was scared.
"Okay," Nakyung held her hands up in surrender, a look of surprise on her face. "I get it. You're having a moral crisis." She took another shot of soju. She calmly poured my glass again and set the empty bottle down on my desk. She had been drinking like it was water, and yet she seemed unaffected. Me, on the other hand, my vision was starting to blur, my words were starting to slur.
"Can I give my point of view now?" Nakyung offered. I just nodded, my head heavy with alcohol and guilt. "Fine, I admit. I'm a little fucked in the head. But that's not all this is about."
She paused for a second, taking a deep breath.
"You're finally aware of our consequences. You're aware of the fact that we're not just stealing underwear, but we're hurting people. And you feel guilty. I get that. And you know what? That's a good thing. That means you're not a complete monster. That means you still have a conscience."
"You always say that, is that like your favorite line," I barged in. Nakyung shrugged and continued, "You always get like this, Minjae. You get a little too deep in your own head, and you start to doubt everything. You start to feel guilty, and you want to stop. But you never do. Because you can't. Because you love the thrill too much."
"You realize that thrill and the chase is an exponential growth type of thing? You can't keep doing the same thing over and over. You have to up the ante. You have to take bigger risks. You have to push the boundaries. That's the only way to keep the excitement alive. That's the only way to feel alive."
"But, consequences. Consequences," I stressed. This was the point where Nakyung's true colors shined. It was invisible to me, but I know why she feeds me alcohol whenever she wants to make a point across. She wanted my head to be the most malleable possible for her hands to knead into her desired shape.
"Ignore it, the guilt. You let it cloud your judgement, why? Cast it aside, and if you can't do that, then overpower it with a stronger feeling," Her words were like poison. It felt like thorns and claws were drilling into my face and head, invading my brain with her own logic. She made it sound so easy, so simple.
"For half a year now, I've been cultivating this lustful deviant in you. I've been nurturing this side of you that's been dormant for so long. And now, you're just going to throw it all away because of a little guilt? A little fear?"
"I'm not throwing it away," I slurred, "I'm just..." She covered my mouth and smiled at me. I was too drunk to fight her off, and a part of me was starting to not want to.
"You don't have to do this if you don't want to," she said, even if I knew she didn't mean it. "Just sit here, take a moment, and let the urges replace your guilt."
“B-” She didn’t even let me get a word out, pressing her palm harder against my mouth.
“Stop trying to be two people at once. Just live one at a time,” She whispered.
I didn't answer. My head was spinning, my thoughts a jumbled mess of conflicting emotions. The soju was making it hard to think straight, but I could feel Nakyung's gaze on me, a heavy, expectant weight that I couldn't ignore. I could see the determination in her eyes, the unwavering belief in her own twisted logic.
I was understanding her. I’ve seen it all this time. I just never realized. The chills I get whenever I notice Nakyung’s sudden change in behavior and mood. It was just her switching into the real her. The chills I get when I subconsciously realize that the Nakyung I’ve known all these years wasn’t her true self.
She grabbed my hand and slowly slid it under her top, letting me hold onto her breast, a familiar warmth and comfort I've felt so many times before. "Break your mind apart, separate your thoughts, and focus on what truly matters to you. The thrill of the chase." Her voice was a hypnotic whisper, a siren's song that promised to lead me to a safe harbor. The strongly chosen words, her tone, her touch, the alcohol, the familiar comfort... it was all too much for me.
My mind broke apart, just like she wanted it to. The guilt, the fear, the shame, it all faded away, replaced by a raw, primal desire. The thrill. The chase. The conquest. The familiar, intoxicating rush of adrenaline that I had been chasing for months, the very thing that had started this whole mess, was back with a vengeance.
It was like my body was now sharing space with a new consciousness, the kinky freak that Nakyung has been nurturing and feeding since the day she found my dirty little secret. This other me started to take control, pushing aside the guilt-ridden, self-loathing wreck that I had become.
It was making sense. Keep the guilt, keep the self-loathing so it doesn’t go anywhere. Shut it away while I explored my vices, let the unadulterated thoughts and actions take over my body. Do this so my thoughts don’t mix together, so I could stop trying to be two Minjaes at once and instead live one Minjae at a time.
My fingers tightened around her breast, my body responding to her touch, to her words. I could feel the heat spreading through me, a fire that was burning away the last of my reservations. I was a moth drawn to a flame, and Nakyung was the one holding the match. She gave me a small, knowing smile, her eyes gleaming with triumph. She had won. She had me right where she wanted me. Again.
I grinned, a wide, predatory grin that didn't quite reach my eyes. I was drunk, but I was also clear-headed, my mind focused on a single, singular goal. The heist. Tzuyu. The panties she promised us. I mentally undressed her. I imagined her in the lingerie she wore in her OnlyFans, the one she promised to bring for us. My mind raced with possibilities, with scenarios, with the thrill of the unknown.
"Okay," I said, nodding my head. I pushed Nakyung off of me and stood up, a newfound energy coursing through my veins. "I'm ready."
"There's my kinky freak," Nakyung purred, a smug look on her face. She handed me the black hoodie and beanie. "Now let's go get what's ours." I quickly threw on the hoodie and beanie, my movements swift and sure. Guilt was still there, no question about it, but for now it was passenger princess to this new me that had taken the wheel.
Things are going to start heating up! Next chapter will be MInjae's first dive into this new unhinged version of himself. Will the consequences bounce back on him? He's been lucky enough to dodge every bullet, but perhaps damage will come from elsewhere. Karma is a crazy bitch afterall, but we'll get there when we do. As for now, next chapter is the long awaited Tzuyu heist! Hehe, I'll get to use the GIFS of the Victoria Secret's performance, Tzuyu's BEST look by far. -PI