grief can make you do things...
“I fucking hate you! You’re ruining my life!”
Wonyoung shouts her disapproval at you as she rushes out of your car. Granted, she feels like you earned that reaction.
“I’m ruining your life? Me?” you retort as you follow her into the house.
“Yes! You can’t just let me have my fun, can you? Just had to ruin my relationship! Scare off that nice guy who liked me!” She launches her bag at the couch with enough force to break some furniture. Probably an underlying goal for her.
“Nice? You call dragging you to some rundown bar in the bad part of town nice? You call him having his friends circle around you nice? You were alone there with complete strangers! Half of them looked like they were twice your age!”
“I wanted to be there! You had no business pulling me out of there!”
“No business? Wonyoung you’re lucky Jiwon called me and told me where you were. Can you imagine what could have happened? One fucking mistake and that scholarship you have would be gone.”
“I’m not stupid! I know how to use protection! Besides, I didn't even want that scholarship in the first place!”
“Didn’t even want it? You know how hard I worked to get that for you?”
“I didn’t ask you to do that. Hell I didn’t ask for any of this! You’re not my brother, so stop acting like you are!”
“You’re lucky your brother isn’t here. If he was he would be—”
“But he isn’t.”
“Wonyoung…”
“And who’s fault is that?”
“Wonyoung.”
“Because I’m not the one who decided to get drunk before driving.”
“Wonyoung, stop.”
“I’m not the one who totaled the car.”
“Wonyoung I said stop.”
“You’re right, my brother isn’t here. And it's all your fault.”
She lets her last comment linger before she goes to her room.
“You should have been the one that died that night! I wish my brother was the one that survived!” She shouts at you before slamming the door shut.
You sit down against Wonyoung’s door, tears falling down. Her words continue to ring your ears.
“You’re not my brother!”
“Stop acting like you are!”
“He isn’t here right now!”
“It’s your fault.”
“You should have been the one that died that night.”
Each word stung like a crack from a whip, because each one carried some truth to them.
You still remember that night like it was yesterday, because it’s been keeping you awake for the past two years. It was you, Wonyoung's brother, and another friend. A celebration for your graduation goes too long into the night, with multiple shots of soju that should have helped you forget about it. Granted, her brother called being designated driver and not drinking, so you and your other friend went a bit overboard. Still at 2am while on the way home, no one could have expected a different drunk driver slamming into the driver’s side of your car going 100km per hour. Authorities assumed he was drunk too, the smell of soju strong in the car from you and your other friend. Out of the four involved in the collision, you were the only one to survive. You could never call it a blessing. Instead, you’re cursed to live with survivor’s guilt especially with the last words her brother told you with his dying breath:
“Take care of Wony… please…”
You tried to. The past two years you do it to the best of your ability. Getting her the scholarship being the epitome. Did you have some shortcomings? Of course. You weren’t going to deny that. But you still try to be there for her because she has no one else.
Still, her last statement sticks to you.
“It should have been you.”
Your head falls back against her door. You’re in a full sob as you break down.
“You’re right, Wonyoung.” You say as you try to calm down. “It should have been me.”
“I go to sleep every night wishing that I was the one that died that night and that he is still alive. But it doesn’t happen. All I can do now is try to fulfill my promise to him. Make sure you’re taken care of. Make sure that you’re safe. So I’m sorry that I have to meddle in your life from time to time. It’s the only way I know how to make good on my promise…”
You trail off from your thoughts before going back to sobbing. For a few moments all you hear is silence, expecting no answer from Wonyoung. But then you feel her door open behind you. Followed by the warmth of her hug as she wraps her arms around you. You could only hear it, but her sniffles let you know that she was crying too. She whispers to you through her sobs:
“I’m sorry oppa. I– I just miss him so much.” She tries to comfort you. A complete opposite of the words that earlier came from her as she confesses her true feelings.
“I miss him too. He was just as much as a brother to me as he was to you. Helped me get my shit together and finish my degree.”
“He was a pain in the ass that loved putting people on the straight and narrow.”
Wonyoung’s joke gets you both to chuckle, finally alleviating the tension. Even with the lighter mood, she continues to hug you. You don’t mind though, because the warmth was comforting.
It’s in that hold that it happens. Your gazes are attracted to each other. No words are said, but the moment lingers. Wonyoung slowly starts moving her face towards you. Before she does something that you both would regret, you stop it with an excuse.
“Water!” you shout, “We— we need water.”
You rush down, trying to avoid the situation. As much as you want to question why Wonyoung would do it, a bigger dilemma suddenly hits you.
Why did you almost not stop it?
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