c'est la vie

c'est la vie - that's life

“I’m so fucked.”

Fists clenched and eyes scrunched, you’re venting out loud to no one in particular. You repeat it, “I’m so fucked.” Louder this time—to the sky. Well, more accurately, to the plastered ceiling of this little hole-in-the-wall. Either way, the solution isn’t there.

It isn’t at the bottom of a bottle either, but you’re determined to find that out the hard way.

“Is there a friend I can call for you?” The woman behind the bar has stopped polishing off the glasses; interrupted by what she would say are the ramblings of a madman.

“There’s no coming back from this.” You throw your head forward, catching it in your now open hands, elbows resting on the wooden bar top.

“Sir? I’m going to call you a—”

“I don’t need a cab.” You draw your head from your hands and open your eyes—allowing the light to pour onto you from one of those little round lights above you. The drink sits in front of you, unfinished. Hard liquor in a tumbler just waiting to be thrown back like the three before it—a plea you can’t ignore. The large ice cube rests against your nose as you pour every last drop onto your tongue and swallow. “I do need another drink.”

With the glass set back down, your body slouches and sinks. Eyes stare down at the empty glass and your face is cold to the world, cold to the woman across from you. You must reek of self-pity, the smell thick in the air.

Let’s be honest, you’ve had far better days.

She’s got her delicate fingers around the neck of the bottle, pouring you a fresh drink and placing it on a napkin, “you know, you’re not the first person to stumble into this bar wearing a face like that.”

You slide your eyes over to the glass and reach for it. “I highly doubt it.”

“But, few of them show up this early, even if it is a Friday.” She has a point: you’re propping up the bar alone and drowning your sorrows solo. In fact, there are only two other people in this whole place, sitting together at a table. “So what’s your story?”

“Does there have to be one?” You grip the glass in your hand, giving the stranger the best smile you can fake.

She steps back and brushes her hand on her trousers as she laughs, “I’ve seen many broken men and women sit at this bar and spend too many hours drinking their life savings, with hearts broken, dreams smashed and most of all, mistakes they regretted. But you seem different.”

“Oh really, why’s that?” Your eyes stare into your drink. It stares right back at you.

“You’re still young.”

“Does being broken have an age requirement?”

She shifts and reaches for something, something you can’t quite make out, being locked in the most intimate of stares with your drink. It’s the sound of her placing down another fresh glass that gives it away. “Actually, yes. Because you’ve still got time to work with.”

“That’s the irony. All I have left is time.”

“Then you have to believe in yourself to make the most of that time.” Her words are heavy, like their meaning holds weight within her too.

She lets you dwell on it for a moment while she pours her own drink. She settles herself against the bar top, across from you, resting her head in one open hand. Her gaze burns into you like sitting in the sun. You can feel something else too, a soft vibration in your pocket.

You finally break away from your staring contest with your drink—one you lost anyway—to fish your phone out of your pocket. The screen alights with Gaeul’s name and is followed by the words ‘ 1 new message ’.

After a swipe, it reads, ‘ wtf where are you? what happened?’ but the thought of sending a reply never crosses your mind. And, just in case, you switch it over to silent.

“Is that her?” The woman gently waves a slender finger towards your phone as you put it back where you found it. “The reason you’re here?”

“Do you press all your customers like this?”

“Only the interesting ones,” she returns her hand to her glass, taking a sip of it before continuing, “and there’s sadly so few of those.”

“And if I’m not as interesting as you think?”

“Then I’ll buy you a drink.” She tilts her glass at you. "For the trouble.”

“And if I’m fascinating?”

“I’ll still buy you a drink.” Another sip from her glass as her lip gloss stains the rim, “maybe two.”

“Then no, it wasn’t her.” And here’s the thing, you don’t know who to blame. Yourself? Probably. Wonyoung? Maybe. The mystery cameraman who got it all on video? Almost definitely.

“But it is another woman, right?”

“It’s complicated.”

“I’m not exactly rushed off my feet here.”

You sigh, unsure exactly where to begin with this whole mess. The complete story is a long one. You could tell her about your family—the trouble at home and why you had to leave—but that’s not for anyone to know.

“I transferred here. Moved here with my brother. He’s at work right now, and he will be late into the evening.” You pause to take another drink. Another burning sensation. “To keep food on our table and keep me in college."

Even saying so little it weighs on you, the feelings of regret and the feeling that you’re saying too much. You bite your tongue and hesitate.

"So why are you here and… you know… not at college?” She pushes you for more. She flicks a finger towards you with her free hand and then brings her glass to her lips.

You drag your eyes up for the first time and finally inspect the woman across from you.

She’s your age, roughly—if you had to guess. She’s pretty, and that part you’re more confident about. She wears her long brunette hair over one shoulder, running in a loose wave, over her slate black blazer, which sits over a small black tee, cropped at the waist. She smiles when your eyes meet hers. And maybe she had no idea, and perhaps it’s all subconscious, but the tips of her slender fingers squeeze slightly against the glass now that you’re paying her some attention.

“I never got your name,” you say with curiosity laden in your voice.

“Minju.”

“And why is a young woman like you working here on a Friday afternoon?”

“Were you not the one telling me about your troubles?” She follows her words with a soft laugh.

“Call it quid pro quo. You answer and then I’ll tell you all about it,” you say.

“Fine.” She stands back upright, adjusting her blouse with a few gentle touches. The way her finger glides across the collar and tugs at it slightly. It’s more than a little distracting. She cuts a sleek hourglass shape out of the shelves of bottled booze behind her. “I’m between gigs right now.”

“Gigs?”

“Ah.” She waves a finger. “My turn.”

Minju tilts her head and then rests her palm against the bar—leaning toward you and eyes focused. It’s like an inspection and you instinctively sit up straighter.