Sticks and Pebbles

Mina will never forget the first time she held Yukiko in her arms.

It was snowing on that day; Mina was in her last year in high school when she came out. Kai had been constantly leaving her text messages, updating her about how Yui was doing, and it took a lot for her to not bolt out of class just to run to the hospital.

Mina was the type to plan things ahead and if she didn’t understand a certain thing, she made the extra effort to do her research. Tickle the curiosity that was itching her brain. But for some bizarre reason, no amount of reading and searching on the internet could really prepare her for what it was like to be an aunt.

Should she be more extroverted for this child? Should she take over when Yui was tired, and the baby would cry at night? Her brother was still fresh out of college and doing his best at his minimum wage job at the local gym nearby and he might need the extra hands to help with the baby.

Then there was still school. Should Mina drop out in case they really needed someone to take care of the baby? She wasn’t sure.

Would the baby like her? God, that thought always scared her. There was a possibility that this baby might grow up to be an angsty child who wouldn’t even want to look her in the eye.

Her eyes were constantly going back and forth from the board, the teacher talking and then to the wall clock above her.

Kai said that Yui was already feeling the contractions, but the baby still wasn’t ready to come out.

Contractions.

She remembered looking up the definition of the word the other day. The process of becoming smaller. But that didn’t make sense to her.

Was Yui-chan’s belly getting smaller because the baby was getting bigger? Then she searched the meaning on a medical website and the terms didn’t make sense to her at all.

There were days where she would look at herself in the mirror, lift her shirt up and rub her stomach as well. Asking herself if she would like a child someday as well. Could she imagine her belly growing that large, bearing an actual human being inside and then then going through the agonizing and confusing process of shoving it out of her small body? Probably not.

But she had ballet, she needed to be fit, or maintain the physique she had already. Dancing was everything to her. Since it granted her a scholarship in the school Nayeon was planning to go to. So having children would probably have to be shoved back into the deepest parts of her mind.

Bearing a child sounded scary. Watching her sister-in-law go through the many stages of hunger, agony and wishful thinking was discouraging to her on so many levels. Sure, the idea of creating something she would love for the rest of her life was meaningful, but she wasn’t sure if she wanted to sacrifice her life and her career for something like that.

Mina was getting ahead of herself again. She didn’t even have a partner. But did she really need one if she wanted to have a baby? She shook her head again; she was thinking about too many things all at once and that was not good for her brain.

But all that thinking and jogging thoughts in her brain all washed away when Mina finally arrived at the hospital, out of breath but completely ecstatic. Yui handed her niece to her gently, and she was finally holding the small, blessed creature for the first time. Mina didn’t know the extent of what love was, but that moment when she held Yukiko, she knew that love was definitely limitless.

She didn’t need someone to tell her how much love she needed to give or when to give it, being around Yukiko was so easy to give such emotion. She knew it at that moment she held her, when she saw her eyes for the first time, when she saw her smile for the first time, her laughter, the small, curious and fragile hands carefully wrapping her finger.

Mina was blessed to be there to witness her first steps, hear her first words, much to Kai’s dismay, it was not dad or daddy; it was mommy and eventually her niece was trying to babble out Mina’s name. The experience was all too much for her, but she didn’t mind. She was willing to give anything for this child.

And she did. Yet, she never had any regrets.

Something was bothering her, and she knew what it was. It was just that Mina developed this habit of always checking in with Chaeyoung first before making any assumptions, because she needed that weird comfort from her girlfriend.

“Yuki looks like she didn’t get any sleep last night. She passed out after watching the plane lift off,” Mina whispered as she leaned towards Chaeyoung, both waiting for their suitcases to come out on the conveyor belt. She pried her eyes away for a moment to check on Yukiko, who was dozing off at the side, she felt even more worried.

Chaeyoung took a look as well and couldn’t help but chuckle at the sight. “Well, she’s been waiting for this trip for months.” Then she locked eyes with Mina, starting to understand the concern. So she grabbed Mina’s hand and gently stroked her thumb over her knuckles. “You wanna talk to her? I’m sure she’ll open up to you.” Then Chaeyoung brought her hand up to kiss it. “Who knows? It could also be nothing and you don’t have to worry about it too much.”

Mina sighed but smiled at how much comfort she received from just one or two sentences from Chaeyoung. She placed a quick peck on her lips and when they pulled away, they spotted their luggage. She helped Chaeyoung lug most of their suitcases on the cart and Mina walked over to her niece to gently shake her awake. “Yuki, let’s go, Tzuyu is probably waiting outside.”

The teen was startled awake, maybe not realizing she fell asleep and jumped up from her seat. “Yes! Let’s go.” She shook the sleep off and waddled towards Chaeyoung, but Mina held her back.

“Why didn’t you get any sleep last night? You knew our flight here was early?” Mina asked gently, not wanting to sound like she was scolding her niece.

Yukiko looked like she wanted to give an excuse, but Mina held her gaze and the teen dropped her shoulders. “I was on a call with Hanako. She said she was going to miss me, so I told her I’ll talk to her till she falls asleep.” Then she pulled Mina closer. “Don’t tell anyone, okay?”

Mina blinked in confusion. “Why should this be a secret?”

Yukiko started to blush, and she looked away from her aunt. “I don’t know. It just feels weird. I always fall asleep early because I like my sleep but when Nako sounded sad, I had this strong feeling telling me I should stay with her.” Then she looked at Mina. “I didn’t want her to feel lonely.”

Mina looked back at Chaeyoung who was a bit confused why they lagged behind, but she signaled her girlfriend to wait for them. Mina then looked back at Yukiko and smiled. “That just means that you really care about her and that’s normal. You usually do that for the people who mean a lot to you.”

“I guess.” Her voice trailed; Mina could tell that she wanted to say more but she just stared at something else.

She decided not to press anymore and grabbed her niece’s hand. “Come on, we have a lot to do today, and I know we're gonna have fun. Okay?” Then she smiled lovingly at her niece. “Just send Hanako really nice pictures and we’ll look for a nice souvenir for her.”

“Okay.” Yukiko gripped her hand tightly and smiled. Mina wasn’t sure what was going on in that teenage mind of hers and there was a part of her that had a hunch about what it was. But it really wasn’t like Mina to press unless Yukiko was ready to talk about it. It was evident she wasn’t. Yukiko was probably still unsure what she was feeling and Mina, of all people, knows exactly how that felt.

But at the same time, Mina didn’t want to assume; so she could leave it at that for now. She could always depend on Chaeyoung to help cheer her niece up.

When they finally approached Chaeyoung, she leaned in towards Mina and whispered. “What happened?”

“She misses Hanako,” Mina whispered back, leading the two out to the pickup area. “I think there’s something more to that, but I don’t want to force it out of her.”

The younger hummed, nodding her head as they pushed their luggage, hoping to spot Tzuyu in the crowd. “She’s kinda like you,” Chaeyoung added quickly and Mina rolled her eyes.

It didn’t take long to see their tall friend towering over everyone in the waiting area, waving her hand and smiling widely at them.

Chaeyoung pushed the cart a bit faster towards Tzuyu and let it go to wrap her friend in a big hug. “Hey!”

Tzuyu had to catch her breath and then ruffled Chaeyoung’s hair. “You act as if we haven’t seen each other in years.”

“It felt like it!” Then Chaeyoung let go and Mina hugged her after. When it came to Yukiko, she was still as shy as ever, bowing in front of Tzuyu and saying a small hello.

Tzuyu smiled at the teen and then patted her head. “Ready?” she asked, looked at all of them.

Yukiko nodded and they all crossed the street to go into the parking lot, following Tzuyu to reach her van. Mina and Chaeyoung shared a look before heading in. But Chaeyoung pulled her back to whisper again.

“Did Sana say anything?”

Mina shook her head. “She knows we got on the plane, and she messaged me before we got off. But she didn’t say anything after; nothing Tzuyu related.”

Chaeyoung hummed again. “Guess we have to just wait, right?” Then Chaeyoung stalled. “I know she’s your friend, but I’m worried about mine. It’s already torturing Tzuyu that it’s been months since she messaged her. I just want to know what she’s planning.”

“I know, baby.” Mina then cupped Chaeyoung’s face. “But don’t worry about it. I believe in Sana. She’s gonna come around.”

Her girlfriend nodded and then pulled them to the door once Yukiko got inside. Mina entered the car to sit next to her niece and Chaeyoung hopped in the passenger’s seat next to Tzuyu, buckling their seat belts.

Chaeyoung then turned to look at the two but her eyes landed on Mina. “I forgot to give you a heads up.”

Mina tilted her head at her. “Okay?”

“My mom is overbearing.” Chaeyoung pursed her lips and that made Tzuyu chuckle. “Plus, she’s excited to see you guys. I have to remind her that Yukiko doesn’t know a lot of Korean words, just the common phrases.”