Encapsulated Feelings

Alternative music for filos:

“Where the fuck am I?” 

You find yourself lost in the middle of what used to be a rural area in Pyeongtaek, but find it turned into an industrial area filled with high rise buildings. This was a completely different scene from what you remember from the memories that you still had. Although it’s probably not a surprise that so much has changed here over the course of 10 whole years.

You try to piece together the memories you still have of this place, trying to think of anything to describe to the locals to find that place. 

Roaming around the city aimlessly while trying to ask around the locals doesn’t bring you any luck either, as they don’t seem to know anything about your supposed childhood home, nor the huge tree in the middle of a field that you used to play with her at.

You wonder if she remembers the time capsule you buried together. Wait, does she even remember you?

You certainly hope she does.

“I’ll cherish this for the rest of my life!” Seeun exclaims as she looks at the gift that you gave her.

A Bracelet.

It’s not much, yes, but to her, it’s everything. And seeing your childhood friend so happy about your gift certainly puts a smile on your face as well. If only you could take a picture of this moment and hang it up on a frame, you would. But alas, you’re too shy for that. 

If only you could tell her how you really felt.

“I’m glad you liked my birthday gift, Sseni!” You reply, grabbing the bracelet in her hand and placing it on her arm. “It’s not much, but it definitely suits you quite well.” You’re sure you could see her face redden up, but you think it’s probably just the harsh sunlight outside.

“It’s more than enough! I actually really appreciate it.” She says, hiding her face in her hair as you realize that you’re still holding her hand. Oh shit. 

“Uhhhh I think we should go inside? It’s getting hotter out here.” You say, quickly letting go of her hand immediately going into panic mode. “Uhm yeah sure!” She says as you both go back inside her home to meet with your friends for her birthday party.

You reminisce about those past moments as you enter a cafe to clear your head. You order your usual, Spanish Latte, and head on over to find an unoccupied seat. Being in a pretty much foreign area without anyone you know in sight is proving to be a pretty hard task, if only…

“Hey! Over here!” You turn around and see a familiar friend. 

Yoon. 

“What are you doing here? When did you get back to Korea? You haven’t contacted any of us! Woah your hair’s gotten longer!” She says with a voice so loud it can be heard all throughout the cafe, earning her a few shushes from other customers.

“I’ll explain, okay? Can you just quiet down for a bit?” Yoon has always been the loudest of your friend group, it’s like she has a literal megaphone installed in her larynx. You sit down at the seat opposite her, and try to explain everything that’s transpired so far.

“I’m sorry, Sseni.”

The news of you leaving hits hard for the both of you as you both sit on the rooftop of her house. It was a decision made by your parents for you to continue college overseas as they think that you would have better opportunities over there.

But you don’t want to leave this place, your home.

You don’t want to leave her.

“Oh. You’re really leaving?” Seeun whispers, tears welling up in her eyes as she looks at you in the eyes, waiting for you to say “No”, but she inevitably doesn’t get the response that she wants to hear. 

“Yes.” That single word shattered both your and Seeun’s heart.

“When’s your flight?” she asks, defeated and just clinging onto the very little hope she has left.

“In two days.” 

“That’s not a lot of time.” The first tear inevitably drips down her face as she realizes how little time she has left that she can spend with you. “Why did you only tell me now? I thought we were best friends.”

“I… didn’t know either. My parents only told me yesterday, fearing I might rebel against them if they told me sooner. I spent the whole day yesterday trying to find a way on how I was going to tell you this, so that’s why I’m only telling you this now.” You say, guilt completely washing over you as you see her fully crying.

“When will I see you again? Will I… ever see you again?” She starts questioning you, hoping that this isn’t truly the end for the two of you, ending what could’ve been the two of you before it even started.

“I’ll come back for you, I can promise you that.” You say, trying to reassure her in any way you can, even if you were uncertain of the words that came out of your mouth.

“You promise?” She looks at you, seemingly determined to make this last day count.

“Yes, and look, we have the whole day tomorrow to do whatever we want. You’ll be in charge okay?” You say, holding her hand and intertwining it with yours.

“Okay… but please, could you stay here for now? I want to cherish every passing moment with you… please.” Her soft voice makes you barely able to hear her, but her grip on your hand speaks louder than anything else.

“Okay. I’ll stay.” You say as you envelop her in an embrace, wanting to escape from reality even for just a moment.

“Hey, wake up! Your little girlfriend is waiting for you downstairs.” Your sister wakes you up the following day, having been told to do so by your parents. “What? How long has she been there? And also, she’s not my girlfriend.” You say, panicking and trying to make yourself look presentable.

“Of course she isn’t, you get cold feet whenever the opportunity arises.” She laughs at you as she leaves your room, leaving you to your own crisis.

As you go downstairs, you see Seeun seated on the couch. “You’re awfully early today, huh? I haven’t even woken up and you’re already here.” You say to her as you sit across from her.

She blushes at your remarks, hiding her face behind her hair. “I… didn’t want to waste what little time we had left. I wanted to make today count.” Her cuteness makes your cheeks redden up as well.

“What’s the itinerary for today, hmm? So I could dress properly.” You ask her, wanting to reciprocate her efforts in any way you can.

“Just dress casually, no need to be so formal for today, and for our itinerary, it’ll be a surprise.” She says, smiling at you with that gummy smile of hers, if only you can stay like this forever. “Oh! And bring things that remind you of us or me, I promise we’ll need them.”

“Aye aye, captain. Wait for me here, okay? I won’t be long.” You say as you go up the stairs to get ready, leaving her in the living room to get ready.

Then it hits you.

This is a date, right?

Like an actual date?

With the person you’ve been in love with for years?

Well, shit.

You’ve been staring at two different sets of clothes for the past 15 minutes, with no decision in sight. Knowing that she’s down there waiting for you makes you just want to wing it and get down there as fast as you can, but you want to put in effort for your outfit for today.

Ah fuck it.

You wear the shirt that she gave you on your 18th birthday, some cargo pants and sneakers. It’s simple but it’s the thought that counts. You shove the things she made you bring in your bag and bolt out of your room. She almost laughs at you as you almost trip down the stairs in a rush, but was able to hold it back.

“You look good.”

“What?”

“What?”

“What did you say?”

“I mean that I just thought that you were attractive and you’re also wearing the shirt that I gave you and I just couldn’t help myself before I blurted it out I’m sorry.” She says really fast, she could really become a rapper at times if she wants to.

Her compliment caught you off guard completely and you couldn’t hold back your smile. “You really know how to make me blush, huh? Anyways, shall we go?” Trying your best to steer away the conversation.

“Let’s go, I’ll lead the way.”

“Is this our local playground?”

“Yes… this is where we first met, right? So I thought that maybe we could relive some memories here?” The playground was a bit run down, the swing and see-saw were rusty but still functional, but there was no way that you were gonna be able to fit in the slide.

“It’s been a while since we’ve been here as well… Do you want to play? For old times’ sake?” You ask her as you hold your hand out for her, pulling her as she intertwines her hands with yours.

You play at the see-saw, although it’s not the same as before due to your newfound height and weight, making it harder for her to move the see-saw. You assist her by lifting your upper body up so the see-saw continues to move.

As you get off the see-saw, she suddenly taps you on the shoulder. “Tag.” She says as she starts to run around the playground. You continue exchanging tags as you run after one another. It was like you were both two little girls playing at the playground again.

Exhausted from the running, you both eventually settle down and rest at the swings, reminiscing about the memories you had with each other.

“Do you remember when we first met? When you tripped over your own sandcastle and couldn’t stop crying because you got scraped and lost your sandcastle at the same time? You were soooo cute!” You tease her.

“Okay that was not a good impression I know, so can you stop bringing that up? I was a frail little girl back then.” She says, trying to defend herself.

“You’re no fun! I’m just trying to recall the memories we had! Oh wait, here’s another good one! That time we were playing hide and seek and you got chased by the neighbor’s dog because you hid in their backyard! That was pure cinema!” 

“Says the girl who ran faster than me when she saw the dog! You practically left me behind!” Seeun complains.

“Okay what was I supposed to do? You were leading the dog to me! And look at you now, you’re still intact so no harm inflicted right?” She rolls her eyes at your statement, before turning towards you.

“How about this, when you think of me, what moment specifically comes to mind?” She asks you with a straight face, and your mind immediately goes to a lot of moments, albeit moments you can’t say.

You think of her 18th birthday, when she went down those stairs in such an elegant gown that made everyone’s jaw drop, or her first heartbreak when she cried over her ex-boyfriend, and you consoled her thinking that if only she liked girls, then you would definitely treat her better. But you can’t say those, can you? You’re not even sure if she’s into girls, so you go for the safe option.

“Of course it’s the time you made our friendship official by giving me that donut! That was so cute and sweet of you, especially since you found out that I didn’t have anything to eat. You went like “Now that I gave you a donut, we’re friends now okay?” with the largest smile on your face. How could I ever forget that?” You say, looking straight back at her. “How about you? What moment do you think of?”

There’s a hint of disappointment in her eyes as she listens to your answer, maybe she was expecting more? She doesn’t even know it herself. “It was that time when you found a cat on top of a roof of a house, but you were too short to reach it so you just stood there trying to think of a way on how to get the cat down, and eventually the cat trusted you enough to jump into your arms. You were so devastated when your mom told you that you couldn’t keep her, but it was that moment that always reminds me of you because that is you at your purest form.” (A/N: This was my personal experience which is probably why it’s so detailed hahaha)

“I didn’t want to leave that cat, but my parents interfered. They said that the cat wouldn’t be good for me.” 

“You’re not talking about the cat, aren’t you?” Seeun says before getting up from the swing. 

“Come on, we still have another place we have to go to.”

“Here we are, at our own special place.”

She took you to your favourite hang-out spot, a massive acacia tree in the middle of a grassy field, providing enough shade for the both of you as you set up your picnic mat and start to set-up.

“Why is there a shovel here? I don’t think this was here before.” You question the shovel placed conveniently near the tree.

“We’ll get to that later, why don’t we eat first? I’m sure you’re getting hungry after all that running we did earlier.” She suggests as she nervously hands you some food.

“Here I was thinking that you were getting so confident earlier, why are you suddenly nervous?” You tease her, but you end up eating it anyway.

“Shut up and just eat it.”

As the golden rays of the sun begin to fade, she gets up and hands you the shovel, giving you one simple instruction.

“Dig a hole large enough for this box.”

“What’s going on?” You question her, but she just smiles at you.

“We’re making a time capsule! So that I’ll be sure that you’ll return for me…” She says, the latter part is more of a whisper, but your ears inevitably hear it. “Give me the items you brought so I can arrange it while you dig.”

And she does just that while you dig away at the hole near the tree, and as you finish, she comes up to you with the capsule in hand. It contains various items that the both of you cherish such as the bracelet you gave her, polaroid pictures together, a picture of when you were kids, and many more memorabilia of each other.

“Now, after 10 years, we’ll open this up and look back on it together, okay?” 

“And after that day, you didn’t talk to each other again? I mean you basically disappeared completely.” Yoon asks, her curiosity getting the better of her.

“It was hard to manage considering the different time zones, so that barrier basically drifted us apart, and we also got busy with our own futures, but I never forgot about her. Not a day in my life.” You explain, hoping that when you see Seeun again, she’ll understand as well.

“You know, the reason why you’re lost is because you’re in a completely different town.” Yoon reveals to you casually.

“What did you just say?” Your eyes widen at what she just said.

“That… you’re in the wrong town? This is Poseung-up, you’re looking for Paengseong-eup. Poseung-up is about the next town over.”

“And you only thought about saying this to me now? We could’ve been there like an hour ago!” You shout, earning the stares of the other people in the cafe and a shush from the security guard.

“How was I supposed to know? I only just came across you here!” Yoon rebuts as she grabs you by the shoulder to leave. “Come on, we have a Seeun to find!”

After a very grueling ride and an unbearable amount of questions coming from Yoon, you finally arrive at the place you were looking for. The acacia tree.

The fields remained relatively the same, the massive acacia tree is still standing after 10 years, albeit with a few new additions. A tire swing on one of the branches, a wooden bench on either side, perfectly shaded from the sun.

“Did you bring a shovel?” You ask Yoon as you try to look for the spot where you buried the time capsule with Seeun.

“Where am I supposed to get a shovel from? I’m not Doraemon who just has everything in her pocket.” She snides, looking around for anything to dig with. She spots a shovel placed near the tree, the same shovel you used to dig with the last time you were here.

“Okay there’s a conveniently placed shovel here by the tree, think you could use this?” As she hands it to you, and the sight of the shovel could only mean one thing. She was here.

As you start to dig, your heart beats faster than ever before, your nerves creeping up on you. Hoping, praying that maybe, just maybe, the capsule is still here.

The hole gets larger, but there is no box in sight.

You were a day late, after all.

She probably dug it up without you, and threw the things out.

If only you were a day earlier.

Then maybe, just maybe, you and Seeun could’ve had a chance.

And just as you’re about to lose hope, you hear footsteps coming from behind you.

“Looking for something?” The unknown voice asks.

That did not sound like Yoon.

It sounded like the shy but bubbly girl that you grew up with.

It sounded like the girl who gave you the donut when you were hungry.

It sounded like the woman you love.

And as you turn around, there she is. Orange curly hair, wearing a sundress and the bracelet that you gave her.

“Welcome back, I missed you.”

END.