The Flame's Shadow

"She was… particularly avoidant when it comes to you," Minjeong said after taking a sip from a soda can.

"Figures," I replied, shaking the bottle of iced chocolate in my hand.

"What did Jimin say?" Minjeong asked.

I stopped shaking my drink then placed it on the reception desk. It's Wednesday night, time to return Jimin's favor of covering my Archives' shift last Sunday when I missed it after exhausting myself during Yuna's rescue op. We turned off most of the lights, seeing as night shifts are usually uneventful — bar my last one when a full on skirmish between the Wild Hunt against Yeji's team and seeing Jimin and I running for our lives occurred. Yeah — pretty uneventful if you ask me. I can only hope this shift's going to be peaceful.

"We… never really had the timing to talk about it…" I replied.

"I told you not to screw this up," Minjeong sighed wearily.

"That was with the assumption that your sister won't be on the table," I retorted.

"You're saying that like you still have feelings for her," Minjeong turned her back against me and started absently manning the camera controls of the Archives, the clicking of the mouse and keys a little bit distracting. Her voice sounded a little bit judgmental, but also a little bit… jealous? Does that even makes sense?

"I… I don't know. She's my first love Minjeong, and we didn't exactly have closure. What we have right now is —"

"Unresolved trauma? Both of you blaming each other for losing each other?" Minjeong offered.

"No need to be that harsh, Kim Minjeong."

Minjeong sighed, then stopped fiddling with the computer, "For what it's worth, I know she missed you, even if she didn't explicitly said it."

And I didn't know what and how to answer that observation.

Then something clicked, something that should have clicked immediately when Minjeong said it, "She… Chaewon…" I started, trying to slowly find the words, "she blames herself for losing… what could have been… us?"

Minjeong rolled her eyes in frustration, "Why is this so obvious to the world but not to the two of you? Even Aeri, cold and rigid like her barriers, seemed more insightful than the two of you combined."

Discomfort spread in my very being, if Uchinaga Aeri was more insightful than me about this — what does that make me then?

"I mean… I get mine… like, I froze that time," I stuttered. "She was being taken by the Night Ladies and I just… watched. I get why she would blame me — I get why I would blame myself. But why would she blame herself?"

Minjeong looked at me like I am stupid — which is probably true considering the circumstances, "Why are you asking me?" She replied flatly.

I looked at her, brows furrowed and mouth open in exasperation, "Because you're her sister?"

"Yeah. But I'm not her," Minjeong retorted. "I can't answer for her. Also, whatever you say to me is useless. I'm not the right ear to hear them."

"Can't I just vent to you the way you vent to me?" I bit back.

"You could," Minjeong replied. "What I'm saying is — vent all you want, but unless both of you talk it out, nothing's truly going to be resolved — at the end of the day, both of you will still be blaming yourselves."

"Easier said than done," I muttered.

"If it were easy, everyone would be doing it," Minjeong said, taking another sip of her soda.

The light in the Archives seemed to get a bit dimmer. It was always cold, especially at night, but tonight, the cold seemed… heavier, like one of Aeri's barriers pressing down my body.

"Have you…" I began, trying to change the topic — again. Minjeong turned towards me with an expression that seemed to say "I'm tired talking about you and my sister's relationship," — which frankly, I would to if I was in her position.

I sighed heavily before continuing, "How is the application for the College's band?"

Minjeong's shoulders relaxed a bit. Funny how we're so tense talking about relationships then relaxed when the conversation shifts to something that could literally kill us if something goes wrong. Guess the thought of confronting death is a lot more comforting than confronting unresolved romantic trauma.

"Yizhuo and I made contact on Monday, they then replied this morning saying they'll have us do an audition for formality," she made air quotations with her fingers, "this Friday. Said that it's just to make sure we weren't rusty after not performing for a little more than a year."

I nodded, though I understood little of it. My mind still lagging from the previous conversation.

"Does Chaewon know?" And there it is — the conversation naturally loops back to her. And I hate it — do I? If I do then it shouldn't loop back to her, but it did. Damn it — I don't know anymore.

Minjeong scoffed, "She doesn't know the fact that I'm doing this to infiltrate the siren cove. If she did," she turned to me with a playfully cold gaze, "she'll burn you to ashes."

"Comforting, let's hope it won't get to that," I said uncomfortably, swallowing a lump in my throat and making Minjeong giggle at my discomfort.

"And the sorceresses?' I asked.

Minjeong smiled, "Eunchae's fun, we get along well — really well. Aeri on the other hand —"

"Yeah. I know," I rolled my eyes then took a sip of my chocolate.

"No, you don't," Minjeong retorted. "You interacted with her once then based your entire assessment of her personality on that."

"She dropped a barrier on my shoulders," I bit back indignantly, slamming the bottle lightly on the table.

"Did you even stop to consider why she did it?" Minjeong raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms.

"Well, I may have been a bit out of line with the princess but—"

Minjeong made a motion with her hands that seemed to say "there you go, that's what you did."

"— but does that justify her dropping a barrier on me?" I leaned in irritation, "a barrier, Kim Minjeong —" 

"Yeah, I heard you the first time," Minjeong clapped back. "But what did you expect her to do? Let you cross the line without repercussions?"

"A warning first would have been —"

"Would that have stopped you?" Minjeong snapped. "Even if it came from Chaewon and not Aeri, or the princess herself?" 

That gave me pause, because the answer was no — a verbal warning would not stop me from defying Princess Jang Wonyoung — not even if it came from Chaewon herself.

Minjeong scoffed mockingly at my silence.

"Since when have you been this perspective, Kim Minjeong?" I stared at her, trying to hide the amazement in my voice.

Minjeong smirked, "Since I started hanging out with Sullyoon."

I shrugged in affirmation, "Yep, that makes sense."