Smolder

Jimin blinked. She found herself standing in a room of nothing but black. It wasn’t dark because she could still see herself. But where was she? Why couldn’t she see anything?

Was this heaven? Hell? Purgatory?

She wasn’t sure. She flicked her hand to ignite it, hopefully to light at least some parts of the room, but nothing came out. Jimin blinked again, there were no power-nulling bracelets around her wrists. But the one thing she noticed was that her body felt different.

There were no surges of heat pulsing through, her breathing wasn’t warm, nor did she sweat so easily.

Was she… normal? Was this what it felt like without her powers?

Jimin rubbed her palms together and it generated a weak source of heat. No sparks, no flickers of a fire. She rubbed her palms again, even more than the first, it still felt the same. She placed them gently on her cheeks, the heat from the friction faded instantly and she felt a chuckle rumble out of her chest.

So this was how it felt.

But it didn’t explain where she was and why she was here. She decided to start walking, but the more she did, the more she felt like she was walking towards nothing.

Jimin sighed. Maybe she needed to wait for something immaculate to happen to her. She probably died due to Minju’s poison, and her soul was trapped in a realm where she didn’t know if she was going to be blessed or punished. Or worse, it would be stuck in this room, and she would remain stagnant for eternity.

Not entirely sure what to do with herself, she sat on the floor and ducked her head into her crossed arms. She needed to take a moment to register everything.

A part of her was saddened at the thought that she was stuck here. That she wasn’t able to savor the moment of finally being in front of Minjeong. That she was able to see her after so many years. Years of silently yearning, silently wishing things could have been different between them.

She had a lot of regrets in her life so far, but the one thing that kept playing in her head was how, out of her anger and anguish, she blamed Minjeong that her life as a superhero was caused and forced on by her.

Jimin knew deep down inside she didn’t blame Minjeong for it. She didn’t want Minjeong to blame herself, feel guilty or even suffer. The girl probably suffered enough from her failed application. Then the things that happened between her and Jimin just made everything heavier.

If Jimin was being honest, she wanted to blame herself instead. Over and over again. If she didn’t have these powers, if she didn’t panic, then maybe Minjeong would have been in America and would be making her career there instead of being forced to study in Seoul and be around Jimin.

Maybe she also wouldn’t have been attacked by that Legionnaire the night Minjeong discovered her powers. Minjeong wouldn’t have been traumatized like that.

Jimin didn’t want Minjeong to suffer. She wanted to stop making Minjeong cry. She didn’t want to see Minjeong cry. She didn’t want to be the reason for why she cried.

She wanted to see Minjeong smile. That gorgeous smile of hers. The ones that would brighten anyone’s day with just one look. How her eyes sparkled, the sound of her laughter that just seemed to have made Jimin feel normal for once.

Jimin wanted to be the receiver of those things. Jimin wanted to receive Minjeong’s love, in any shape or form. Because she had so much love to give Minjeong.

A weak laughter escaped her lips.

Of course, it was only then where she would admit that she was in love with Minjeong. She knew it. The moment Jimin saw her again in college. The beautiful, brown hair, the way her face glowed, how Minjeong still showed that she was dedicated to her studies from the start. The smell of citrus. And when she changed her hair to red. How it was still long, and it curled perfectly right after she untangled it from a braid.

How foolish of her to just convince herself that it was nothing but a silly crush. It really wasn’t just a crush.

Her heart may have harbored something darker and filled with anger towards Minjeong, but it was only because she wanted to protect herself. But if Jimin was given a chance, to go back in time and be honest with herself, Jimin had nothing but soft feelings for Minjeong and she wanted to show her those feelings as soon as she felt them.

Feelings that grew. Endearing smiles that were kept like a secret. Finding ways to make sure Minjeong was doing well and safe. She may not have said it out loud, but Jimin was damn sure about how she felt.

Jimin was irrevocably and pathetically in love with Minjeong.

And she knew Minjeong didn’t feel the same, but she was fine with that. She could go on with her life with her unrequited feelings. As long as Minjeong was happy.

A flash of light appeared, and she could see it from the ground. Jimin shot her head up and her eyes went wide at the sight of three doors that appeared in front of her. Each door was glowing a bland, white light.

She picked herself up, walked carefully towards them. She stared at them, waiting for something to appear. Jimin slowly lifted her hand to try and touch the door in the middle, but before she did, the one on her left changed color and she immediately stepped closer to it.

Her eyes went wide.

The door was showing her house. Her room, the dining room, the living room. And then her parents. They were playing with her. Jimin was just a baby, but she was… normal.

This was probably a portal. Maybe a test by the universe, and Jimin was going to have to choose from them.

She continued to watch the scenes and images shown by the first door, then it flashed forward and Jimin was suddenly a kid, playing in the playground with a bunch of other kids. Jimin felt jealous, because back then, she was never allowed to play with them. Her mother always told her that she could just play at home, because her parents didn’t want Jimin to release any flames without control. They didn’t want to risk anyone’s safety, making her feel like a prisoner, left to play on her own.

As the different scenes on the first door changed by the seconds and minutes, she realized she was watching the life that she always wanted. A normal life. One without powers. Where she was able to do the things she wanted to do without a care in the world.

And just like what she wished for, she got to graduate from college, she got her boring nine to five job, she got to go home and live her everyday life like how she always wanted.

But she furrowed her brows when she saw herself with another woman. They were married, they adopted kids and suddenly Jimin was an old woman on her deathbed.

It definitely was the life she wanted. But it wasn’t fulfilling at all, it left her unsatisfied. Was that what she really wanted? Why didn’t she like it at all? Why didn’t it have Minjeong in it?

Then the second door flashed a brighter light. Jimin rushed to it, and she felt her breath hitch when it showed Jimin at the science laboratory back when she was in high school. Where Minjeong’s paper fell, and she didn’t catch it.

She watched herself take a moment to compose herself before picking up the paper and placing it neatly on the table. Then she bumped into Minjeong, they finally talked and Jimin looked so smitten by her. And Minjeong was smiling and laughing at her. The docile girl that she crushed on was opening up to her.

They were finally friends.

But then it flashed again to another scene where Jimin was hugging Minjeong goodbye at the airport, Minjeong kissed her on the cheek, said that she would always contact her.

Then it showed Jimin being sad, lonely, and hopelessly in love with Minjeong. She didn’t tell her how she felt. But Minjeong was making a name for herself in America. She was finally a doctor, and she was on a call with Jimin telling her that she met someone there and showing her the extravagant ring on her left hand—

Jimin looked away from the door. She didn't want the rest to play. She didn’t want to watch anymore. But if she chose that door, then Minjeong would be happy. It may not be with Jimin but at least Minjeong was living the life she wanted.

That made her heart ache, but she didn’t want to be selfish. Maybe if the last door showed something as horrible as the second one, then she would ultimately choose the first door. Maybe living a life without Minjeong would save the both of them from the anguish they both had experienced.

It would save Jimin from living the reality where Minjeong didn’t choose her.

“Jimin,” A voice called, and Jimin whipped her head at the source.

It was coming from the last door. She knew who owned that voice.

She scrambled from her spot and ran to the door. Her eyes went wide when she saw it was to the present time. Jimin was unconscious on the bed, still incapacitated from the poison and Minjeong was sitting on the bed with her. Holding her hand. Crying.

“Minjeong?” she tried to call out, but Minjeong didn’t respond.

“I know you can’t hear me. But I just… I just want to say I’m sorry.”

Jimin furrowed her brows. Watching Minjeong wipe the tears from her eyes and then she held Jimin’s hands with both of hers. Jimin called out again. “Sorry? But why? You didn’t do anything wrong?”

“I know I said this a thousand times. And I’ve said it a thousand times more, but you weren’t there to hear it. But I’m sorry.”