One Shot! (Part 5.5) Past Won’t Leave My Bed

“Bzzt—, bzzt—, bzzt—,” the endless vibration of your phone alarm went off. You tried to ignore it, sleep it off. But the intense vibrations could be felt throughout your mattress, pissing you off even more. Making you much, much, MUCH more awake.

“Fuck…gosh dammit—,” you slid your hand below your pillow. Yanking out your phone from under the pillow. “FUCK—!” you winced, your vision was temporarily blinded by your phone’s brightness.

“RAH—!” you groaned in frustration. “Why can’t good things ever happen to me?” you thought to yourself. With a single swipe, you finally turned off your alarm. Good morning world~

You finally sat up in your bed, staring at the wall. No one is beside you today. Ah, you remembered.

You told the girls that you wanted to sleep alone for the night. They utterly refused at first, but after you bribed them with hugs and kisses, they agreed. That’s one way to get things done your way.

“04:30 AM….16th July,” you sighed. After a few more seconds of procrastination, you eventually got out of bed and made your way out of your room. The dorm’s quiet now, the girls are probably still asleep you thought. Well, that’s good for you. You could probably meet them without bringing the girls along. Makes things much easier for you. Going to the kitchen, you grabbed a few protein bars from the drawer. “This’ll work I guess,” you mumbled. “Sorry Zuha, I’ll buy tons when I get back,” before consuming a few at once.

The hot shower did nothing to ease the heavy feeling in your chest. You thought you were over it already, but years passed, and you’ve yet to accept it. When will this pain go away? How much longer could you tolerate this?

You dressed simply for today—a black hoodie, jeans, and that cap that Sakura bought you that one day. Nothing fancy you thought. Just something that would make you invincible just for today.

You grabbed the van’s keys that were hanging on the wall hook behind the door. Put it in your pocket, take a deep breath, and check your phone again for one more time before stepping out the door.

16th July

Driving in the early mornings always feels different. No dumb traffic jams, empty roads, the city was asleep, as if you were the only one in the world.

The drive there wasn’t really long. You watched slowly as the familiar high-rise buildings of Seoul gradually faded away in the rear-view mirror. You were soon greeted with the familiar open roads, fields of plantations, everything almost engraved in your mind. The grip on the steering wheel however, was tighter as you drove deeper into the outskirts.

You finally parked the van, your mind screaming and telling you to turn around. But you were strong. You grabbed a small bouquet that was lying in the passenger seat that you bought yesterday, and with a deep breath, you checked your phone again.

16th July

You stepped out of the van. The cool morning breeze greeted you. But why does it hurt instead?

The view that greeted you was the same as before. The cemetery didn’t really change that much…but why did it feel much older?

The cemetery was the same as always. You know? Headstones, more headstones, and even more headstones you thought. Trying to lighten your own mood.

You walk along the familiar path made out of stone, the cracks more visible, with each step you take. The withered headstones alongside you, the slightly long grass too. Everything starts to hit you now, the gloomy, sad, and depressing atmosphere of it all starts to sink in. Your steps get heavier the closer you are to your destination.

The grave soon reached the corner of your eye. Your steps faltered soon enough. The strength in your legs seemed to cease. Your breathing, once on the verge of control, went loose. A sharp pain in your chest suddenly appeared, as if you had been silently punched directly in it. Before you knew it, you were in front of it.

The same modest headstone greeted you. It’s more worn down than the last time you remembered you were here. The engravings on it are slightly withered. Time has done its part—cruel and merciless. Gone were the polished, pristine, and bold deep engravings. Dried-up leaves gathered at its base. Reminding you that life had moved on without them.

You choked up.

You felt as if there was a noose tied around your neck.

You were staring through teary eyes at the stone.

The withered flowers from previous visits were still there.

The bouquet in your hand suddenly felt useless.

Mocking you.

But you still laid it down.

The familiar names greeted you.