Pojangmacha

You swirled your soju glass in silence, staring at the swirling liquid like it held answers to questions you couldn’t ask.

“Yunjae,” Jiwon’s voice broke through your thoughts, soft but pointed. “You’re killing yourself like this.”

You laqughed bitterly, shaking your head. “Am I? Feels more like I’m just surviving.”

“Same thing,” she shot back, leaning closer. “You’re stuck, Yunjae. You’ve been stuck for years. It’s like you’re waiting for something to change when you’re the one who won’t move.”

Her words cut close to the bone. You wanted to argue, to deflect, but what was the point? She was right, and you both knew it.

“It’s not that simple,” you muttered, your eyes dropping to the faint gleam of your wedding ring.

Jiwon’s gaze followed yours, and her lips tightened into a line. She never said it outright, but the ring was always the elephant in the room.

“Why do you stay?” she asked quietly, her tone softer now. “If it’s really this hard—if she doesn’t even care anymore—then why?”

You looked up sharply. “You don’t know that,” you said, more defensively than you intended.

Her brows arched, her disbelief evident. “Oh, really? When was the last time you two actually talked? And I don’t mean the polite, ‘pass the salt’ kind of talk. I mean really talked.”

You didn’t answer, because you couldn’t.

Jiwon leaned back with a sigh, her frustration bleeding through. “Yunjae, you’re wasting your life waiting for something that’s never going to happen. You’re loyal to a fault, I get that, but maybe it’s time to let go.

“Four years,” you muttered, swirling the last remnants of soju in your glass. “Four years since we said, ‘I do.’ And what do I have to show for it?” Your laugh came bitter, tinged with self-loathing. “We don’t even talk anymore.”

Jiwon’s expression softened. She reached across the table, her hand resting lightly on yours. “You’ve said that before, Yunjae. Let’s call it a night.”

“I just don’t get it…” you continued, your voice tinged with confusion, ignoring Jiwon’s request for now. “We had our reasons, sure—convenience, mutual benefits. But maybe I expected more. At the very least, I thought we could remain friends, not this distant… this nothingness.”

You sighed, frustration building inside you like a tidal wave. You grabbed the Soju bottle and poured its contents into your glass, emptying it in one swift motion. The liquid burned as it slid down your throat, the sensation both comforting and familiar.

Jiwon’s eyes flickered with something unspoken, her silence speaking volumes. She hesitated, and for a fleeting moment, it seemed she might voice the truth lingering between you. But instead, she looked away. “I don’t know either,” she said softly. “If it were me…” Her voice trailed off, leaving the rest unsaid.

You furrowed your brow and locked your gaze on hers, the unspoken thoughts echoing in the empty space between you. You already knew what she meant—you were childhood friends who had lost contact but reconnected years later. In the time that had passed, her intentions had changed, and you sensed that she was well aware of your realization. The tension grew palpable as the truth hung there, waiting for a moment of honesty to break the silence.

The heavy silence pressed in on you, demanding acknowledgment. You knew you had to confront the elephant in the room, to end it once and for all, lest it lingered in doubt. “Jiwo-”

But Jiwon interjected before you could finish, her voice steady as she changed the subject, “Anyway, it’s pretty late. We’ve been here since 7 PM, and it’s almost midnight now.”

You nodded, your heart heavy with the unsaid words between you. You straighten your sitting posture, gather yourself. “Right. You can go first, thank you for being here”

She hesitated, her lips pressed into a thin line. “I can’t leave you alone like this.”

“I’ll be fine, I’ll just stay here for a couple minutes to sober up, then I’ll take the cab,” you explained. “Promise”.

A pang of frustration flickered across Jiwon’s face, her sympathetic gaze lingering on your burdened spirit. She fidgeted with the strap of her purse, and you caught sight of a fleeting flush on her cheeks. It seemed as though she might have been embarrassed by whatever thoughts she harbored or the words she almost spoke, using your suggestion as an escape.

“Alright. Promise me you’ll go straight home.” she sighed, her feigned surrender tinged with uncertainty as to where the two of you would stand in the aftermath of this night.

“I promise” you answered.

With a final glance, she stood and left, her figure disappearing into the night. Alone once more, you reached for the soju bottle, pouring what remained into your glass. The cold burn slid down your throat, offering little comfort.

Park Jiwon, she is an excellent friend, but her role in your life had remained firmly in the platonic realm. You couldn’t see her romantically, and not being platonic with a friend is exactly how you found yourself in this situation in the first place. Plus there’s another reason why you couldn’t be with anybody else right now.

Your fingers toyed with a ring on your ring finger, the silver two strands intertwining like an infinity sign. A row of tiny diamonds adorned it, capturing light in their faceted depths. You lifted your hand, eyeing the ring as though presented with a cruel joke—how something so beautiful could symbolize the absence of light in your life.

The promise to Jiwon lingered, as did the knowledge that you should head home. Yet, you hesitated, aware that returning to your cold home on this day would only accentuate the issues plaguing you. In the back of your mind, a part of you yearned for a shred of hope, an irrational belief that perhaps something miraculous might transpire here. This bar had become a place of hope, however fleeting or destructive, from the reality awaiting you at home.

Your gaze lingered on the ring as memories began to resurface. Drowsiness crept in, pulling you into the haze of a dream. When you opened your eyes again, the scene hadn’t changed. The same table, the same empty glasses. But the person sitting across from you was no longer Jiwon.

—

"Ya!! Are you listening? I’m paying for the drinks, and you’re ignoring me?“ Minnie’s voice jolted you. She sat opposite you, her sharp eyes narrowing in frustration. her chopsticks pointed at you like a weapon.

The sight of her stirred something in you—a pang of nostalgia, a mix of joy and regret. "But I’m paying for the meat,” you retorted weakly, though she ignored you entirely, continuing her tirade.

She sighed dramatically, slapping the table for emphasis. “Can you believe my parents? My career is on the line, and they want me to just drop everything and go home to Thailand?” She let out an exasperated sigh, her words tumbling over each other.

Deciding to give her your full attention, lest her tirade be endless, you asked, “Can you tell me again why they wanted you back?”

Minnie hesitated, her face contorted with a mixture of confusion and irritation. “They said I’ve done enough; it’s time to think long term, find myself a partner, a husband. That’s their reason, at least,” she explained.

She then continued murmuring under her breath, “I think they just want me to be married off to a royal bloodline so our family could get even closer to being Thai royalty.”

Silence enveloped you both, acknowledging the gravity of her situation and your shared understanding that she desired nothing more than a sympathetic ear.

Minnie’s frustration reached a crescendo as she let out a frustrated “Aggghhh!!”

You found yourself staring at her, the sight of her distress oddly endearing. A smile tugged at the corners of your mouth. you don’t know when it started but at some point during your history of friendship, without realizing it, you were falling for your dear friend, Minnie. Afraid to jeopardize the relationship, you concealed these feelings deep within, unable to pinpoint one singular reason for your infatuation. It could have been her alluring smile, captivating personality, soulful gaze, lithe frame, or an intoxicating blend of all these traits.

Minnie’s sharp eyes caught you in the act of smiling, “Ya!!” she teased, “Look at you smiling, it must be fun having a grandfather who’s the opposite of my parents.”.

“He’s giving you all of his as an inheritance,” Minnie remarked, her tone laced with indignation as she nibbled on the pork you had purchased. “I don’t know why I’m paying for you when you’re rich.”

You corrected her gently, “Well… not yet.”

Minnie started to question whether your grandfather was still alive, but you interrupted her. “I didn’t mean it like that!” You realized you had raised your voice, yet Minnie appeared unfazed as she continued drinking from her beer mug.

When she signaled for you to continue, you explained, “I can’t have the inheritance right now, and if I don’t get married before turning 30, I might lose it.” You paraphrased your grandfather’s words: “I don’t want all this wealth given to a house bum; you need to have at least a family.”

Minnie’s arm remained in midair, her mouth hovering over the mug as she paused, processing the gravity of your situation. After what felt like an eternity, she gently set it down and fixed her gaze on you. Silence pervaded the table as she mulled over your words.

Finally breaking the silence, she said, "So you need to be married to get your inheritance?” Her eyes held a mix of concern and curiosity. You found yourself furrowing your brow, unsure where this revelation would lead.

“And my parents don’t want me to continue with my career because…” She mimicked air quotes, “Think long term, find a good husband.”

It was then that you noticed your fingers were entwined with the silver pair of rings hanging around your neck on a chain, their design intricate and familiar. An heirloom from your grandfather, their intricate design held meaning beyond just the gift itself. In this moment of realization, you knew where this conversation would eventually take you—back to a familiar crossroads, one you’d faced before, yet helplessly watched unfold.