Sleepless Spirals

I can't sleep, yet it's all I ever need.

Why won't you just come to me?

Oh quiet escape where my thoughts won’t bleed,

Why don't you just come and set my mind free?

A want that's a need I can't now ever ignore,

For it is a door to a mind that won’t open more.

Why do you turn away when I implore,

When you're all that I'm reaching and begging for?

Please please shut all these noise,

for my thoughts don't rest,

bending and making me say my Highlows Hellows.

Oh please stop me before I spill out my whole chest.

Quiet the noise, the fear, the danger,

Please keep me from reaching out to strangers.

Risky words in the quiet air,

sent to people who aren’t there.

To those I cherish and hold tight,

who probably wouldn’t even hold me the same at night.

Why am I still not satisfied!?

Why do I keep reaching outward again and again, for more and more,

even when I am already held by people who I should already be grateful for?

Why do I keep chasing what is already here,

as if I’m trying to fill a space that resembles a blackhole?

Is it me who is broken,

or is it me who refuses to feel full?

It feels like I am watching myself ruin what is already enough,

aware and yet still not knowing how to stop my own hands from reaching away.

Oh please sleep won't you just pull me deep,

my mental is already out here taking it's leap.

I yearn, I feel.

All these peeling feelings,

trying to reach for hearts that don’t see me kneeling.

And maybe that’s where I end tonight—

not in answers,

but in the fading of light.

So I’ll close my eyes, though sleep won’t stay,

But I'll hope the noise will drift away.