Foreign bodies

“我已经累了,” you heard a voice from behind you. “一样,” whined another.

In this quiet byroad of your neighborhood, chatter was rare, rarer at this time of night, and even rarer still any in a foreign language. You couldn’t help but try and listen in, though you didn’t hear anything you could understand; chances were, whoever these two are, they were lost.

You turned around to find two surprisingly tall women — both less than half a head shorter than you — in caps, plain white shirts, and jeans. Even if the fairness of their porcelain skin weren’t enough of a dead giveaway, they couldn’t present themselves any more like tourists than they already did.

One met your eyes, and elbowed the other. The two stared at you, a mix of fear and confusion in their eyes as you walked closer. You thought fast: you pulled out your phone, opened the translator app on your phone, and typed a message: “Can you understand English?”

When your phone spat out the answer in Chinese, they gave a thumbs up. “How did you know we were speaking Chinese?,” the taller one asked.

“Just sounded like it,” you replied. “What are you doing here? Tourists don’t normally pass by here.”

“We’re lost,” the other girl sighed, “like, we can’t find this address.” She showed her phone to you, continuing her story. “We took the last bus this app told us to take, but we can’t seem to find it.”

You took a look at the address, and your brow furrowed. The road name was similar, but it was in another part of town, almost 40 minutes away on foot now that most buses stopped service. You delivered the bad news.

“真的吗?!,” the other girl said aloud. “Sorry. Really? Shoot. What are going to do?”

“Don’t panic. I live,” you pointed to a door several meters away, “right there. I can drive you if you’d like, you could even take some time to rest, have some water.”

“Oh, thank you!,” the two said, bowing and following you up the stairs to your apartment.

Once inside, they removed their shoes by the door and stood in front of the living room couch. Of course, you thought, they were Asians after all.

“Please, sit,” you gestured. “I’ll fetch some water.”

While going through your cabinets for the last bottle of mineral water you swore you still had, you could hear the girls stretch and chatter. It seemed like they’d had quite the day.

“他比较高啊,” you overheard.

“嗯嗯,” said the other, “又高又帅,” coupled by faint giggling. You’d always wondered how hard it would be to learn Chinese.

“So,” you butted in, two glasses of water in hand, “Willing to tell me your names?”

“You can call me Xiaoting,” said the girl on the left. “She’s Xinyu.”

“Alright, Shaoting and Sinyi. I’ll try to remember that.” The two giggled again.

“Not bad for a… 怎么说'老外?’” Xinyu remarked, leaning to Xiaoting. “Foreigner?,” Xiaoting finished, and Xinyu nodded.

“Thanks? Hey, your English is pretty good too,” you responded. “Sorry if I used the translator right away though.”

“It’s not a problem, that was really thoughtful,” Xiaoting replied. “Ugh. You’re probably the first person this entire trip who didn’t wave us off.”

“Really? Any horror stories from today?”

“Sorry?”

“Oh, bad experiences,” you corrected. “Someone shout at you or something? The older men tend to do that.”

Xinyu lurched forward. “Yeah! There was this elderly couple on the bus stop that yelled at us for laughing at some Instagram reels.” Xiaoting pouted along.

“Yeah. Grouchy fucks,” you groaned. “Well, just tell me when you’re ready to go.”

“Are you sure?,” Xinyu asked. “We could just… walk?”

“Nonsense,” you dismissed. “It’ll be a tight fit for two tall ladies like you though.”

“Thank you so much,” she responded, bowing with Xiaoting.

A few minutes of squirming and awkward laughing later, the three of you fit into your hatchback. As you began your drive, you pressed them about their trip.

“Where are you from in China?,” you asked. “Not like I’d know where those are, but it’s good knowledge.”

“Chengdu,” Xiaoting replied. “Beijing,” Xinyu added.

“Oh, the capital, right?,” you added. “What brings you here then?”

“Short vacation,” Xinyu replied. “Someone suggested here was cheaper to visit than Paris.”

“Obviously,” you continued. “It’s pretty boring here.”

“It’s not! Such beautiful buildings,” Xiaoting corrected. “And not crowded!”

“Again, because it’s boring here,” you chuckled. “But whatever. Where else did you go?”

The two proceeded to fawn over the local museums and pubs, transforming otherwise overdone weekend getaways into momentous experiences for the pair. From the tiny view of the front mirror, you could faintly make out their faces beaming with wonder, only occasionally washed over by halogen street lights. Even you couldn’t hold back a smile.

“You’re actually making me proud to live here,” you commented.

“Wait till you see China,” Xinyu replied. Xiaoting nodded in agreement.

“Really now?,” you taunted in jest, “just what exactly is there to see in China?” You could see the two scowl incredulously at you.

“Beijing and Chengdu are beautiful cities, for the record,” Xinyu retorted.

“Chongqing is cool,” Xiaoting continued.

“Shanghai too!,” Xinyu butted in. “Don’t test us, laowai. We’ll drag you to China if we have to just to prove you wrong.”

“Deal,” you smirked. “But enough of that. We’re almost at your place. Where else did you wanna go?”

“Oh! 他可能知道有没有嘉年华,” Xinyu whispered.

“对对对!,” Xiaoting blurted. “Any carnivals or amusement parks nearby? We only saw the one that’s a train away.”

“Yeah, I know the one, and it is just that one.”

“Then maybe you can you teach us how to ride the train?,” Xinyu pleaded. “After today I’m not too sure we’re confident it’s the same as China.”