Insecurities

Insecurities are something everyone deals with in their daily life, from looks to social life to achievements, everyone has their own stuff that they dont feel good about themselves

And you are not any different, yours however come from a different source then others: Baek Jiheon, your best friend since highschool, your personal sunshine and…your girlfriend.

Who knew that you would actually have the balls to ask out your best friends on the last day of your senior year, and who knew that she will actually say yes instead of putting you in the dreaded “friend zone”.

Comparing yourself and Jiheon is like comparing the burning sun to the cold moon, like an elegant ballet dancer to a bouncy hip-hop dancer, like- OK OK you get, you both are completely different from each other

Jiheon is the sun, always talkative, very sweet, always excited to be with people (especially being with you), as your classmate she was one of the popular girls in school while also being one of the top students, while you…

Well…you were nothing like her, nothing compared to her.

You are not the smartest

(another refresh, probably for Like the 1000th time, adrenaline is an all time high as you were waiting for your college professor to finally send the scores to your computer science exam.

Finally after what seemed like an eternity the scores are finally updated and well…while 60 wasn’t too bad, you ended up passing but…it wasn’t far from failing.

It honestly sucked, especially since you were working extra hard to get a high score in this exam only to get a 60 which will definitely lower your avarage

A sigh comes from your mouth as you let your head rest on your table, hands on your temple trying to relax yourself from that abysmal score…)

Not the prettiest

{“Are you sure that is necessary Jiheon? I look so stupid in this” you say, the embarrassment is clearly felt from the other side of the isle

“Have i ever told you to do something that isn’t?” You can think of a couple moments, a lot actually but it’s not like you could ever say no when she gives you her pleading smile. “Now come here and let me see it”.

You swipe, revealing yourself to your best friend, on your head now a headband of wolf ears, your cheeks now fully red from embarrassment, Jiheon covers her mouth and her eyes widen in surprise.

“What?” you ask in an annoyed, monotonous voice.

“oh n-nothing” she answers, now looking away however second by second she breaks down, first a giggle, then a small chuckle and in the end she cant contain herself any longer, now fully laughing, almost falling to the floor from how you look.

“SEE?! I TOLD YOU IT WAS STUPID” you respond, even more embarrassed than before as you now turn away from your best friend}

And not the most social person

[“ahhh finally, the weekend is here” Jiheon says, stretching herself while both of you getting out of your last class of the day, moving toward the exit as your best friend walking backward, facing you with a bright as usual smile

“wow, I never thought you would be happy about going home from school” you reply, occasionally checking to see that she doesnt stumble into someone that she doesnt see.

“just because i enjoy studying doesn’t mean i don’t want the week to be over” she exclaims, doing a 180° turn to now face the same direction as you, now walking forward.

“Like seriously, who in the staff let Professor Park teach in the last class of the day, of the WEEK?” She asks rethorically

“maybe they want to make you enjoy the weekend even more?” You jokingly say which makes both of you laugh, as both you head toward your lockers a familiar group waits there.

“Oh, Yuna, Yujin, Sungho” Jiheon says, giving both the girls a quick hug, and a high five to Sungho as you could feel yourself getting nervous

“Were heading to the Arcade, Yujin THINKS she can beat me at Air Hockey” Sungho says, looking at Yujin with an excited look.

“im not saying i think i could beat you, i WILL” she corrected him before turning toward Jiheon again, “Wanna Join?” She asks

“Sure, sounds like fun” she answers, now turning herself toward you “you’re’ coming?” She asks, however as you were about to answer Yuna starts to speak over you

“Oh sorry, don’t get me wrong but…he isn’t really our friend, he is kind of like…your +1” Yuna says, not even turning to look as if you were invisible, you were now looking at your locker, trying to hide your embarrassment.]

Those moments always come to your mind whenever you look at yourself in the mirror after you take a shower, or at night when you lay on your bed, thinking about if you made the right decisions in your life to get where you are now.

However, as you look back at those moments in a clearer mind, you realise that with a person that loves you

(You suddenly feel a hand on your hair, lightly patting it, looking up and see its Jiheon, now in her sleeping attire as her smile beams at you.

“I know how hard you worked for it…” she says, before leaning downward as you can feel her lips giving your right cheek a quick peck before continuing to talk

“im proud of you” she adds, as you stand up she opens her arms, signaling you to come and hug her, with a happy face you happily oblige)

Cares about you

{“No no no you don’t look stupid” she says, trying to calm her laughter.

“It’s just that you look so…cute with those wolf ears” your cheeks turn rosy pink as Jiheon’s hand finds itself on your shoulder, “I really mean it” you could feel your face turned from embarrassed to now happy, “Omg wait i have an idea”

She walks toward another box of costumes, pulling out a pair of fox ears, “We HAVE to take selfies with those” she grabs her phone with one hand while her other hand goes behind you back, letting herself side hug you

“Smileeee” she cheerfully says while raising her phone camera}

And lets you be the best version of youself

[“I see” Jiheon says, her voice sounds disappointed her eyes tries to find yours that hide behind the locker door.

“Well, if my ’+1’ isn’t coming…” she says to her friends as suddenly her hands grab yours, pulling you toward her before continuing to speak

“Then i am also not coming” Jiheon exclaims, you could see her face getting annoyed as she looks at them, but not before turning her gaze at you, now giving you a warm smile, her eyes giving you a look that says ‘I got you’]

You realise how those thoughts about yourself are not real, that even with those insecurities. And as you turn your gaze to Jiheon, your sunshine with her asleep while her right cheek lays on your chest while her arms wrap themselves around your waist, you can’t help yourself but smile while thinking…

Maybe those insecurities never existed at all