HONNE, TATEMAE & THE OTHER ONE

Yuna shuffles into your office with the same sneaky smile, the same easy slouch, and she settles into one of the chairs across the table. There is, apparently, more to talk about.

It’s a matter of image, of perception, is what she believes.

You know every good lie starts with the truth.

So you swallow. You pause. Some other part of you understands Yuna can’t ignore who she really is, and you’re not sure you can either.

-

Look - Shin Yuna is the kind of woman that turns heads, even with the best of intentions. A long, lithe silhouette; an easy, rosy sort of youthfulness clinging to the swell of her cheekbones, the curve of her waist. Take a dress that’s cut to show a little thigh, or a hairstyle pushed back on one side - earrings, or heels, or just the subtle swipe of red over her lip - it doesn’t take much for men (or anyone else) to figure that out. A girl who, more times than not, really ought to have a boy’s hand planted on her ass, in possession.

So the opportunity to capture such a form perfected - all toned and graceful and flush for curves, her legs never seeming to end, the slithering fit of the dresses - these were the things they wanted. Package it, put a logo on it - better yet, a ribbon or a bow - and ship it straight to the consumer.

Somebody everyone wants, somebody no one can ever have.

“So,” Yuna asks from the other side of your desk, lips slanting halfway coy. “Are you going to treat me like an adult?“

Her fingers play idly with the hem of her skirt, and she lets a long, slender leg slowly slide out from beneath her.

“In what way,” you answer, half paying attention.

"The photos.” She doesn’t have the slightest qualms about lifting it higher. The soft creak of leather, and a deepening smile. “Am I not allowed to be a little racy?”

“That’s certainly… one way of looking at it.”

You glance away from where her stockings wrap around the soft curve of her thighs to flip back through the photos in your lap, one after the other, each a little different from the last. The beach, the sun, a flimsy white slip of a bikini top that hides exactly nothing, her muscles wet and glistening and perfect. Beyond suggestive, it’s considerably inappropriate.

But then to a lot of people, Yuna is a lot of things.

She’s more clever than anyone gives her credit for. And she’s fucking gorgeous, sure. That’s definitely not up for debate, but god is she young - she’s barely twenty. And here’s some rather uninteresting food for thought: you couldn’t even technically take her for a drink without faking an ID or breaking some law or another, like a real one. So go ahead, chew that down. Girls her age are typically studying, or working a retail job and getting wasted on the weekends. And they aren’t typically making six, seven figures turning their head to the camera and asking how much more skin?

You have some thoughts.

Prudently, you’re her publicist, and it’s your job to make sure that the public gets a good look at her and sees exactly what you want them to see. It’s unfair. She wields sex like a weapon. She’s got the face, the body; it’s an easy sell, commodified and commercialized down to the finest detail, the softest curve, the slightest arch of her brow. The idea’s to not let anyone look too long, should they catch something you haven’t approved yet, or the fact that she’s quite possibly a real person with a real life and real feelings, which could easily fuck up her brand, so unfortunately, that’s a bit of a no-go.

Sign of the times maybe, no ethical consumption under another something, yadda yadda - it’s a shitty business, really, and the whole thing usually leaves a sour taste in your mouth.

(And just to be upfront, as an important disclosure: you are fucking her brains out on the side, which is a different kind of ethical dilemma, with a different kind of flavor to it.

You’re supposed to be something of a role model - and she’s gone and fucked up bad by falling for you. From her perspective, it probably makes sense. Girl gets boy, bespoke song, credits roll and it’s fine. No sin to atone, no ‘after’.

It was supposed to be a one time thing. It’s metastasizing into something you’re not even going to attempt to put into words. It’s a lawsuit waiting to happen, you know that. And you know the girl has daddy issues, but then you’ve never had a problem whatsoever playing into it. The possessiveness, the control - she gets off on it. You’re pretty sure that she’d do just about anything if you asked her, and you’ll admit that the thought alone makes your stomach stir, your mouth run dry.)

Yuna taps her knuckles on the wood of your desk. “What’s the verdict?”

“Well, professionally,” you say, caveat in hand, and you give the photos one last flip through. “I’d say they’re fine.”

"Oh?” Yuna cocks her head to the side. Her long, blonde hair curtains over her shoulder, and the smile that shadows in at the corner of her mouth is almost wicked. She leans forward, chin propped on a palm, and you see that her expression is bright, glittering with interest. “And unprofessionally?”

Sure. It’s a fair question.

Though she’s wearing her stage face, the one that looks all big eyes and doe lashes, a hint of a pout on her plush bottom lip, and she’s staring at you expectantly, the way she might look at a man she’s just asked for the time.

You’ve seen her look a million other ways. You’ve seen her with her knees spread, her cheeks flushed, on all fours, straddling your lap, face pressed into the sliding glass door of your shower, her eyes screwed shut as she chokes out your name. And god, doesn’t she look good in all of them.

Your fingers tap against the photos.

“Unprofessionally,“ you tell her, and the smile on your face is tight - unknowable. "I think they’re a little… gaudy.”

Yuna frowns, and it’s just a flash before her expression is carefully blank again, the stage face back in full swing. She’s been doing this since she was a teenager, so the mask is impeccable, but you know her, and you know that she’s thinking: about the photo shoot, the way the photographer was looking at her, and the way you had looked at her later, too.

She knows what you’ve seen. She’s wondering if that’s why.

“Really,” she asks, a note of disappointment in her voice.

“Really,” you confirm with a small sigh, though you’re still smiling. It’s a small, private sort of smile, like you’re remembering a joke. You don’t miss the way she glances down at your mouth either. “Let me be clear, you have a shot at real success. I mean, you have a chance at a career. A real, sustainable career.”

She’s sitting there with her legs crossed, her foot tapping restlessly, and when she’s silent for a moment too long, the way her eyes narrow just a smidge, her head tipped slightly, you realize how it sounds. Patronizing.

"Look,” you amend. You’re not the best at apologies, but you try. “I just mean - I think that you could be doing something that you actually enjoy.”

“Who says I don’t enjoy this,” she says, and there’s a bite in her tone, a challenge. She’s leaning back in her seat now, arms crossed.

“What, taking your clothes off for the camera?” You laugh, a quick bark. Isn’t that a cruel question, and you can see it in the way her eyes flash. “You could do a lot more than that, I’m just saying.”

“Right,” she says, and she doesn’t blink, doesn’t even move. Her gaze is fixed, unwavering. “Because I’m not pretty enough.”

You open your mouth. Close it.

It’s not a question. It’s a statement.

“That’s not what I’m saying-”

“Do you know what makes me different from the IT-girl-of-the-month? The Jang Wonyoungs, the Bae Irenes, the Kim Jisoos of the world?” Yuna cuts in.

“Yuna, this isn’t-”

“You should know. ” She laughs. “It’s your job, knowing things, isn’t it?”

The silence stretches thin between you. She’s not wrong. There’s the quintessential beauty, the timeless classic, the fantasy-wrapped-up-as-a-daydream - oh, it’s all sexual, but the product there is palatable (read: marketable). An idea the general public wants to take home to their mother, not take to bed. A beauty so docile and innocent, you feel guilty harboring those untoward thoughts it makes you have.

Yuna is somewhere possibly, someway probably the opposite. You’ve sold her as such, as fantasy in sheep’s clothing. She’s neither afraid to put the images to words, nor speak her desires aloud. It’s her own brand of sensuality, and it’s what the public wants - has always truly wanted, since the dawn of man and of popstars fucking their publicists - what the public wants but turns itself in knots just to pretend they don’t. The only way it’ll end up in anyones’ parents’ home is under the guise that it will be smuggled upstairs and held down into the springs of a mattress. Hand over her mouth, or maybe around her throat, just so she’ll shut up.

She’s not a nice girl, or the girl-next-door, a bride-in-a-box, but you’d known that before. The line between fact and fiction is fine indeed.

“You’re different,” you tell her, finally.

“When I first came in here, you had no qualms, no issue to raise, and now all of a sudden, everything is too much,” she says, and she’s not smiling, her tone flat. “If it was a problem from the jump, you would’ve said so.”