Exam stress

You were sitting on your desk, frowning, with a hand on your face to prevent exhaustion from planting your nose flat on the desk. Your eyes were burning, your eyelids felt heavy, your back was giving up on you, and the engines inside your brain were too filled with rust to function properly. 

Late-night study sessions were the norm for most students, especially if the competition was high. But it was all easy and done with the help of a coffee and the incoming threat. The problem was doing it for a week straight. At this point, coffee didn’t work anymore and the only thing keeping you awake was pure willpower. You knew the finals were near and you were terrified, you couldn’t stop now.

Nicha knew something was wrong. She briefly wondered if it was just her impression but really she just noticed all those minor differences in your behavior—you started talking to her less, compressing your conversations into tiny paragraphs, your movements got more sluggish, and your brightness seemed to fade away. 

She wasn’t worried about you cheating, losing feelings, and whatnot. Her first guess was your health. But then she remembered what you told her weeks ago: “Nicha, the finals are coming so I’ll have to study a lot more. Sorry, I’ll make up for it when they’re finished, okay?”

Nicha walked down the corridor and into your room. 

“Baby…how’s the studying going?” she asked softly, barely touching your shoulder. “I know math makes you feel like you want to rip your eyes out…”

You didn’t answer at first. You didn’t really hear her—it took you a moment to register her voice.

“Hey, sweetheart? How’s it going? Definitely see more writing in that notebook…” Nicha made another attempt, putting her head closer to you to look at your desk. 

It was because you turned around and looked at Nicha, that you finally noticed the dark sky out of the window and realized how late it was. She looked at you, a bit surprised at your furious eyes and crooked frown. Your expression wasn’t as contorted as it looked, but the dark circles stepped it up a notch.

“Why are you looking at me like that…?” she whispered with hesitation.

You let out a loud growl, turning around and ripped away a page of your notebook. Whatever. You didn’t need those, they came out all wrong anyways. You were going insane. You studied math all afternoon: you got most of them right at the start but as time went on, you kept making more mistakes and now they were all wrong. What was even more frustrating was how stupid the errors were.

“Oh, oh, okay. Erm…baby?” Nicha stumbled, trying to find the right words. 

You sighed and shoved your face in your hand for the nth time to scrap the tiredness out of your skin. 

“Sweetheart, are you…are you mad at ME? If I need to give you space, I will, I just…”

“No, no, it’s not you Nicha,” you finally spoke up.

“No? Okay. Are you frustrated?”

“Yeah… sorry, Nicha, I kinda snapped. It all kinda stacked up—the exercises look impossible, studying the same subjects for days is so tiring, the news of the test are making more and more scared, I really need to study more, to get more of them right, I—”

“It’s okay baby,” she shut you up, placing a hand on your nape. You closed your lips and listened to her voice. If it wasn’t for her, you’d just be raging even more and tire yourself uselessly. “You don’t have to explain—I get it. Math wasn’t my….best subject either.”

“There’s this thing where I need to compute this thing and I need all sort of tricks. I probably have to see it like a convolution or something…”

“Uhhh… What the hell is that?” Nicha’s honest reply made you chuckle. Your words really sounded absurd.

“That sounds super complicated. And by the looks of those weird things on your laptop, it is. Who invented this shit?”

“We all have to do it though,” you said, defeated.

Nicha sighed. “No, no, you’re right. But why don’t we come up with a plan for this, hmm? You’re just studying for hours on end without rest, it surely won’t be effective.” Nicha took your hand and pulled you up from your chair, pulling you to the bed. You didn’t say anything and followed her. She sat down against the wall and back hugged you like a huge stuffed animal, keeping you warm and comfy. 

“So how much stuff do you have to know for this exam?”

“Well, I have language first with all the reading, literature and writing. Then math, the basics are okay but then there is calculus, probability and geometry, which is so hard. Then there are the other subjects like physics, geography and history—I think it’s manageable, I just have to memorize.”

“Mhmm. Okay. And how much time do you have before the exam?”

“Next month,” you said and buried your face on your knees from desperation. Nicha noticed it and hugged you tighter, placing her hands under your chest and keeping her body glued to your back. For a moment, your muscles relax and all the built up stress dissipated. You let her cuddle you, which she was really enjoying. 

“Starting studying early. Good job, so let’s divide this up…”

“8-10 hours a day should be good.”

“No, no. Baby that’s too much for one day.”

“It’s the bare minimum, Nicha, I won’t be able to remember anything if I don’t—”

“Don’t argue with me. You already know it’s not going to work. Look at you, you can barely stand up, you’ll end up in the hospital before you can even attend the test. You have to sleep and get rest or the subjects will just drip out of your ears and you will forget them.”

“I need to study more.”

“I KNOW you need to study,” Nicha sighed. “Baby, you’ve been going for so long I bet you’re not even retaining any information right now. You’re just making yourself more frustrated.” 

“I guess you’re right, maybe that’s why I am making so many mistakes… I’m a bit sleepy actually.”

Nicha raised her face and looked at the clock. 1 AM. “…jeez, baby. You little sneak! You distracted me. I had NO idea it was THIS late. You need to sleep.”

Before you could say anything, your stomach spoke for you, letting out a low rumble. You blushed and shrinked in Nicha’s embrace. She just chuckled at your action but immediately turned serious, pinching her eyebrows. “You haven’t eaten dinner yet, did you?”

“No…” you said quietly.

“You damn— fine, let’s go eat something. There are still some cup noodles in the drawer.”
Nicha got up, and jumped off the bed. Feeling her warmth leave your back was a bit disheartening but you really had to go eat because the hunger was killing you. As soon as you stepped down the bed, you felt light-headed, realizing Nicha was right and you pushed yourself too hard. 

Your girlfriend was already putting water in the boiler and taking the cups out. 

You smiled and looked at her, slowly stepping into the kitchen. She looked so focused on getting everything. Her big t-shirt flowing around, matching her striped long pyjama pants, she looked comfy with her hair tied up in a messy bun. 

You were lucky to have her caring for you.

When this hell was over, you’ll have to find a good date place and really spoil her.

“Hey, don’t just stand there, come help me.”

“I’m coming,” you said and followed her.

As the kettle finally clicked off, signaling the water was ready, Nicha held the cups steady. You carefully poured the hot water into each cup, the steam rising in a warm, fragrant cloud. The noodles quickly softened. You closed the lids, after putting in the seasoning mix, and waited for a few moments.

Nicha got the kimchi out and placed some plump pieces of cabbage on a plate.

You tried to ask her about her day but Nicha was more focused on you and wanted you to rant, at least for now. She insisted on asking more about you and gave you time to think and speak. She looked at you with a smile, her eyes didn’t leave you for even one second.

“School is so stressful… and although everyone tells me it will be better in uni, I don’t really believe them.”

“Oh, I know, I know. I know school is so stressful. It’s like a full-time job you’re not getting paid for.”