1

Silence filled the afternoon, so natural that it wasn't noticeable that it was a constant that should actually be anomalous, but when the strange appears so sporadically, how many really notice it? It's only when things are so big that most can see the disaster, and as much as it hurt you, it was your case.

You didn't know  when or how, but seeing your girlfriend of five years sitting next to you, staring at her phone, felt completely out of place. When had she dyed her hair blonde? When had she changed her makeup style? When had she become so strange? You didn't want to admit it; you always considered yourself a good boyfriend, but you'd actually stopped paying attention to her a long time ago. In reality, a part of you really saw Yooyeon  as just an ornament. It was awful to think that way now, but a long time ago she was just the beautiful girl who accompanied you and turned heads at work dinners. She was the woman you said goodbye to every morning while paying more attention to anything but her.

But did that make you a bad boyfriend? Relationships aren't built by one person; they're not one-sided. It's true that you hadn't asked her how her dream was going in a long time—that coffee shop you always thought was stupid, but that you still supported and invested in. You didn't ask how she felt or what she was thinking about. In fact, you hadn't even watched a movie with her in ages. But she wasn't getting better. Every day she became more distant, less herself, less fun, less chaotic. In fact, she seemed like just another decoration. That also counts when things deteriorate, right? Or were all those stupid arguments you were making up for yourself just excuses so you wouldn't feel like a bad person? No, of course you weren't bad. Sure, you had questionable moments, but you weren't a bad person. If you got to this point, the point of seeing Yooyeon  as an object, it's because, in fact, she had become an object, a decorative piece. And like the good man you are, in this moment of clarity where you have Having discovered everything, you're going to cut it off at the root.

“I think we should end it,” were the words that broke the silence, each one came out so easily from your mouth, without regret or restraint; in fact, you were surprised when you finished the sentence. Was it really that easy to ask for a years-long relationship to end?

“I agree, this has become anything but a relationship.” The way Yooyeon said that phrase seemed so strange to you. There was maturity, weariness, acceptance, and indifference, all at the same time, or so you perceived, because she certainly never took her eyes off her cell phone. She simply accepted it, with a normalcy that, if you were honest, hurt you. Was it your pride or your heart? You couldn't tell, and it didn't matter. Weren't they part of the same thing?

Night fell far too slowly after that. You were now sleeping in the room they had designated for guests, and incredibly, you felt less like an outsider than you had been until today. You couldn't stop asking yourself the same question: When did you and Yooyeon become so disconnected? You seriously didn't even know who you were living with. In fact, you hadn't paid any attention to her at all in a long time, and knowing this made you feel a pressure in your chest, a pressure that didn't ease when you remembered her words. Why did she accept it so easily? There wasn't even an attempt to fix things, and that really made the anger start to bloom—anger, indignation, and you also wanted to feel sadness, although it was more of an attempt to convince yourself that the whole situation had hurt you.

For a moment you wanted to go out, get drunk, complain about how bad your whole relationship had been, say a few nasty things about your ex-girlfriend—the way she woke up, her awful temper, how absentminded she was. Actually, those last two things had been part of the charm she had for you when you met her. Did you really hate that? Or was it just a way of belittling her, diminishing aspects of her personality? It didn't really matter. You just wanted to get drunk while people you called friends agreed with you. But you didn't have a problem, one you'd had even before meeting Yooyeon . Everyone always said how talented you were. You never had a real problem; you were attractive and intelligent. The world always seemed to be at your feet, and yet no one ever really got close. In fact, if you looked back at your memories, you'd heard people call you  an idiot more than once, different people at different times. You always thought it was pure envy. Humans envy, and that's why it's so prevalent. You used to say you held a grudge, but now you question whether that was true, a doubt to which at least today you didn't want an answer, so you only managed to let out a small sigh from that chest that felt compressed and tried to sleep.

Three weeks had passed since the breakup, and it all still felt incredibly strange. You weren't even sure if  you were handling it the right way. First, there was the fact that it was more a wound of pride than a broken heart. Did Yooyeon really care about you that little ? Then there was the fact that you were still living with her. It wasn't that you wanted it that way; you'd simply invested most of your money in that damn coffee shop. You couldn't just leave that apartment, which had initially seemed like a blessing. Yooyeon was the sole owner; you weren't paying rent. Maybe that's why you'd invested in your now ex-girlfriend's dream, and maybe because of that, she hadn't asked you to leave. You assumed she was  considerate, unaware that it had actually become incredibly uncomfortable. It wasn't even something difficult to process; it was simply about living in isolation, avoiding everything that had to do with her—absolutely everything.

"Well, you could have avoided all that if you weren't such a jerk," were the words of your coworker, Nakyoung. You felt pathetic talking about your problems in a bar on a Friday with a coworker you barely exchanged three words with a week. Yet you had no friends. When did you lose them? No idea. Did you want new ones? Maybe, but would they like you? Judging by Nakyoung's reaction to everything you'd told her, no.

You wanted to say something like, "Thanks, that's a great point of view, coming from a girl who's slept with half the girls and some of the guys in the office," but you held back, not out of empathy if you were being honest, but because saying it would only prove her right; saying that was, in itself, being a jerk.

“You should have been more honest with her, and with yourself, you know. I think everyone in the office has talked about how repulsive you looked, always so haughty at those dinners you showed up with her. It was awful. I’m sure she only stayed because of the commitment she felt since you helped her with her dream. She’ll never ask you to leave, but it’s just a way of saying thank you. So I think you should find a way out already. There are always options. I mean, you’re not unemployed…” Nakyoung kept talking while looking at her cocktail. Every word she uttered made you regret choosing her as your escape valve even more. However, you remained silent. Although you didn’t know Nakyoung, you knew she was the type of person who would eventually suggest solutions, or at least that’s how she was at work. You wanted to believe that was how she was in general.

“Well, I suppose you already know that, telling you won’t help,” the way she said it, while looking at you with those eyes that reminded you a bit of a cat, made you feel a certain embarrassment, or was it discomfort? Whatever it was, you decided to lower your gaze and remain silent, waiting for her to continue, “Look, I don’t know you that well, although I think you’re a jerk, but I’ve never heard that you’re a bad person, and since you’ve come to me, I can tell you’re a person with some good judgment, so I’ll help you.” The way she finished the sentence was laughable; Nakyoung  really had that smug look like someone who’s been given an important mission. She seemed ready to offer a real solution, and at that moment you were grateful you’d kept your mouth shut. A solution was a blessing in the situation you were in.

“Look, I have a friend who lives in some kind of communal house or something like that, basically she rents out rooms in her house to people. I could talk to her, if you promise not to be a jerk.” A smile spread across your face as you  listened to your coworker’s suggestion. You knew it wasn’t a bad idea to approach her; your intuition never failed you. And at this point, living with other people as long as you had your own room and they were strangers seemed like a much better option than being an awkward ghost avoiding Yooyeon .

It was only a day before Nakyoung sent you a message, too precise, just a: “don’t mess it up”, accompanied by an address, so now you were on a Saturday at 9 am knocking on the door of a house that was too big.

Almost as soon as the doorbell rang, the door opened, and a tall girl with an extremely beautiful face appeared before you. "And you are...?" While for a second you were impressed by the beauty that radiated from that woman, the tone of the question and the diva-like face she had brought you back to reality, which was not exactly as sweet as that face you had seen.

“I’m an acquaintance of Nakyoung, I’ve come to rent a room,” you mentally scolded yourself for the way the phrase came out, clumsy, so clumsy that you probably looked pathetic, and you didn’t know if it was because of some surprise factor or because a girl had actually impressed you after years.

“Who the hell is Nakyoung?” the girl blurted out with a certain impatience, and that question threw you off even more. You wanted to speak, to say that there must be a mistake, a misunderstanding of some kind, maybe you had even gone to the wrong address, but nothing came out of your mouth, while your mind was overthinking, even considering the idea that your co-worker had played a joke on you.

“Xinyu, who’s at the door?” Behind that beautiful girl appeared a much smaller figure, a girl with cute cheeks and bangs, in fact she seemed cute to you, cute like a teddy bear, or something too cute.

"Oh, you must be Naky 's friend , come in." Those were the words that the small woman gave as the tall girl stepped aside, but still with distrust. Somehow, that small interaction between the three of you had informed you that that girl named Xinyu was nothing more than an ordinary tenant. You smiled with satisfaction, a diva who had nothing, what irony.

You left that house after midday, never imagining you'd have one of the most rigorous interviews of your life with a girl who seemed like a hamster on a leash. We didn't quite understand why, but somehow (being dishonest in some things and simply being a normal person in others) you managed to get her to accept you in a room somewhat separate from the others. You were warned that at the first sign of anything remotely resembling harassment, you'd leave. Because, yes, this girl, whose name you learned was Seoyeon , usually preferred to rent rooms to other girls—a small detail Nakyoung  forgot to mention, but you didn't care. Seoyeon  seemed trustworthy, and you just needed a place to sleep for a few months. You were going to save enough and eventually live on your own; it was basically just a transition. What was the worst that could happen? You certainly heard a lot of noise in some areas of the house that Seoyeon didn't pay much attention to, but you didn't think it was anything serious, you would survive, without any drama, without any other feelings, you just had to pay attention to yourself and only yourself, and everything would be fine.