TLDR: Read pi’s new fic. I apologize for the midnight rant and wall of texts. Earlier today, I saw @usedpidemo's new fic You Made Me. I’m usually not the biggest fan of angst stuff because it makes me sad, and I don’t want to be sent to a therapist because I am crying in front of a wall of texts. I sometimes see myself as a really not-so-serious person (which, can be seen from the stuff I write), but there is always somewhere in my heart that resonates to things. And fan-idol relationships is one. The reason that I love Liz/Yujin is because for me, they’re the definition of perfection. I admire them, I see them as a motivation and inspiration for me to become a better person. And I don’t need to actually interact with them. But sometimes, the boundary gets blurry. When pi shared their self-inserted experience in the fic, I saw a version of myself in the protagonist. As I wrote before, I always treated my idols and I as two parallel lines: I can see them, but the distance is a whole universe and we’ll never intersect. However, when they are ACTUALLY there, breathing the same air in the stadium, sharing the same moment, how can one NOT want more? How can someone not want to be SEEN by their favorite members and tell them how much they love them? But sometimes it just does not happen. You don’t always get what you wish for. So, when the conversation scene in the fic happened, I couldn’t stop myself from shredding tears. It made me cry because the comfort, the emotions and the dreams-come-true fluff. It made me cry more because it was also a cruel reminder of reality. I will be seeing IVE this summer for the first time, it’s certain that I’ll be one of the 10000 people in the stadium that are already lucky enough to share a night with IVE. But I am not special. I am invisible. And IVE members won’t talk to me. Yet, we still love them. We write for them. That’s the magic of love. That’s the magic that pi captured so damn well in his fic. Please give it a read.